Apologia DiffidentisDalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Philosophy
Apologia Diffidentis
Dalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Bashfulness
And this first abandonment was a time of ecstasy. The long tranquil days
were crowned by nights of peace yet more desired. I lay beneath the
verandah and watched the stars in their splendour, not the pin-points of
cold light that pierce our misty western heavens, but bright orbs in
innumerable companies hovering upon the tranced earth. Night after night
I saw the incomparable vision; month after month the moon rose slowly
over the high wall of the jungle, first a great globe imminent upon the
trees, next soaring remote through the upper heavens, waning at last to
a sphere of pale unquickening light. I would lie thus for hours
motionless, with lulled mind, until the breeze forerunning the dawn, or
the quavering wail of the jackal, recalled the startled thought to the
prison bonds of self.
With the gentle lapse of months all these impersonal influences took
dominion over me and gave me a quiet happiness never known before. The
nights brought the greater light; but the days too had their glories. I
would climb the rugged sides of the mountain, and emerging into a colder
world sit beneath an overhanging rock and see the hot air quivering
over leagues of plain; while in the nearer distance, far down beneath my
feet, the rice-fields shone like emerald and the palm-fringed pools like
shields of silver. Or I would stretch myself at early afternoon on the
close-cropped grass on the jungle-edge, and watch the opposite sky take
on an ever-deeper blue against the setting sun behind me. Often at such
times I would hear a rushing in the highest branches, and turning very
silently, see the outposts of a troop of monkeys peering down through
the gleaming foliage. Then, if I moved, neither head nor limb, others
would come, and yet others, leaping from branch to branch and plunging
down from higher to lower levels like divers cleaving a deep green sea;
until at last some slightest involuntary movement of mine would put the
whole host to flight, and greybeards, young warriors, camp followers and
mothers with their children on their backs would spring precipitate from
tree to tree, screaming and gibbering like Homer's sapless dead. Then,
when the stars rushed out and the darkness came on apace, it was sweet
to wander home along those paths so dear to primitive men in all
countries, narrow paths and sinuous, smoothed by the footfalls of
centuries, winding patiently round every obstacle and never breaking
through after the brutal manner of civilization. The fire-flies gleamed
in the brushwood on either hand, and from every side rose that
all-pervading hum of busy insects through which the tropic forest is
never still.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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