"Nothing!" repeated Alwyn, with an air of resigned hopelessness; "for I
learned that, according to the results arrived at by the most advanced
thinkers of the day, there was no God, no Soul, no Hereafter--the
loftiest efforts of the highest heaven--aspiring minds were doomed to
end in non-fruition, failure, and annihilation. Among all the
desperately hard truths that came rattling down upon me like a shower
of stones, I think this was the crowning one that killed whatever
genius I had. I use the word 'genius' foolishly--though, after all,
genius itself is nothing to boast of, since it is only a morbid and
unhealthy condition of the intellectual faculties, or at least was
demonstrated to me as such by a scientific friend of my own who, seeing
I was miserable, took great pains to make me more so if possible. He
proved,--to his own satisfaction if not altogether to mine,--that the
abnormal position of certain molecules in the brain produced an
eccentricity or peculiar bias in one direction which, practically
viewed, might be described as an intelligent form of monomania, but
which most people chose to term 'genius,' and that from a purely
scientific standpoint it was evident that the poets, painters,
musicians, sculptors, and all the widely renowned 'great ones' of the
earth should be classified as so many brains more or less affected by
abnormal molecular formation, which strictly speaking amounted to
brain-deformity. He assured me, that to the properly balanced,
healthily organized brain of the human animal, genius was an
impossibility--it was a malady as unnatural as rare. 'And it is
singular, very singular,' he added with a complacent smile, 'that the
world should owe all its finest art and literature merely to a few
varieties of molecular disease!' I thought it singular enough,
too,--however, I did not care to argue with him; I only felt that if
the illness of genius had at any time affected ME, it was pretty well
certain I should now suffer no more from its delicious pangs and
honey-sweet fever. I was cured! The probing-knife of the world's
cynicism had found its way to the musically throbbing centre of divine
disquietude in my brain, and had there cut down the growth of fair
imaginations for ever. I thrust aside the bright illusions that had
once been my gladness; I forced myself to look with unflinching eyes at
the wide waste of universal Nothingness revealed to me by the rigid
positivists and iconoclasts of the century; but my heart died within
me; my whole being froze as it were into an icy apathy,--I wrote no
more; I doubt whether I shall ever write again. Of a truth, there is
nothing to write about. All has been said. The days of the Troubadours
are past,--one cannot string canticles of love for men and women whose
ruling passion is the greed of gold. Yet I have sometimes thought life
would be drearier even than it is, were the voices of poets altogether
silent; and I wish--yes! I wish I had it in my power to brand my
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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