sign-manual on the brazen face of this coldly callous age-brand it deep
in those letters of living lire called Fame!"
A look of baffled longing and un gratified ambition came into his
musing eyes,-his strong, shapely white hand clenched nervously, as
though it grasped some unseen yet perfectly tangible substance. Just
then the storm without, which had partially lulled during the last few
minutes, began its wrath anew: a glare of lightning blazed against the
uncurtained window, and a heavy clap of thunder burst overhead with the
sudden crash of an exploding bomb.
"You care for Fame?" asked Ileliobas abruptly, as soon as the terrific
uproar had subsided into a distant, dull rumbling mingled with the
pattering dash of hail.
"I care for it--yes!" replied Alwyn, and his voice was very low and
dreamy. "For though the world is a graveyard, as I have said, full of
unmarked tombs, still here and there we find graves, such as Shelley's
or Byron's, whereon pale flowers, like sweet suggestions of
ever-silenced music, break into continuous bloom. And shall I not win
my own death-garland of asphodel?"
There was an indescribable, almost heart-rending pathos in his manner
of uttering these last words--a hopelessness of effort and a despairing
sense of failure which he himself seemed conscious of, for, meeting the
fixed and earnest gaze of Ileliobas, he quickly relapsed into his usual
tone of indolent indifference.
"You see," he said, with a forced smile, "my story is not very
interesting! No hairbreadth escapes, no thrilling adventures, no love
intrigues--nothing but mental misery, for which few people have any
sympathy. A child with a cut finger gets more universal commiseration
than a man with a tortured brain and breaking heart, yet there can be
no quotion as to which is the most intense duel long enduring anguish
of the two. However, such as my troubles are I have told you all I have
laid bare my 'wound of living'--a wound that throbs and burns, and
aches, more intolerably with every pissing hour and day--it is not
unnatural, I think, that I should seek for a little cessation of
suffering; a brief dreaming space in which to rest for a while, and
escape from the deathful Truth--Truth, that like the flaming sword
placed east of the fabled garden of Eden, turns ruthlessly every way,
keeping us out of the forfeited paradise of imaginative aspiration,
which made the men of old time great because they deemed themselves
immortal. It was a glorious faith! that strong consciousness, that in
the change and upheaval of whole universes the soul of man should
forever over-ride disaster! But now that we know ourselves to be of no
more importance, relatively speaking, than the animalculae in a drop of
stagnant water, what great works can be done, what noble deeds
accomplished, in the face of the declared and proved futility of
everything? Still, if you can, as you say, liberate me from this
fleshly prison, and give me new sensations and different experiences,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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