Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
General
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
There were further arguments, of course, and technical exchanges, but to
everyone in court they must have seemed of little moment; and I was soon
being embraced by father, my aunts and great-aunts, in the happy
consciousness that right had triumphed. Nor was that all. For thanks to
the damages awarded, my father and myself were enabled to spend a month
at Scarborough, while a generous fee was paid by a well-known firm of
hair-restorers for a copy of a photograph of my head that my father had
thoughtfully taken. Two years later they paid a similar sum for a
photograph of the same area normally covered, both being subsequently
reproduced, under another name of course, and with the interval
diminished for commercial purposes, as illustrative of the effects of
what has since become, I believe, a very profitable commodity.
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CHAPTER V
First experience at Hopkinson House School. It is amongst the masters
that I hope to find spiritual companionship. I do not do so. Apology
of Mr. Muglington. I am struck by a football. Subsequent apology of
Mr. Beerthorpe. Degraded habits of my fellow-scholars. A fearful
discovery and its sequel. Amazing ineptitude of Mr. Lorton.
Concerted assault upon my person. I am rescued by my father, who
procures a public apology.
OWING to the successive delays imposed by my general ill-health, the
assault upon my person by Desmond O’Flaherty, the sudden invasion of the
ring-worm, and the cranial nudity wrought by the ointment, it was not
until I was nearly fourteen that I was at last able to attend school;
and even then it was perhaps doubtful whether my father should have
recommended it. For, although by that time my health was somewhat less
precarious, the chastening experiences that I had been called upon to
endure had naturally lifted me, in almost every respect, far above the
plane of most of my contemporaries. And while it was true, of course,
that in Simeon and Silas Whey I should find sympathetic and well-liked
comrades, I was so much older, both mentally and spiritually, than such
of their acquaintances as I had chanced to meet that it was only amongst
the masters that there seemed any reasonable hope of obtaining an equal
and appropriate companionship.
It was to this end, therefore, while endeavouring at the same time to
place my services at the disposal of my fellow-scholars, that I resolved
from the outset to encourage my tutors to perceive in me a staunch and
valuable associate. For the first few days this was not of course easy,
owing to the natural confusion incident upon a new term, and it was only
by the interjection of an occasional informative remark that I was
enabled to adumbrate my ultimate purpose.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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