Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
General
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
Meanwhile I had not neglected my fellow-students, unattractive to me as
most of them were, and more than once had I offered my spiritual
services to an inexperienced or erring class-mate. That these had been
fruitless I am not prepared to say. But it was perhaps not surprising,
considering the standard of the masters, that the general moral status
of their pupils should have left almost everything to be desired. Such a
rule, for example, as that forbidding the ingestion of sweetmeats during
the hours set apart for study was daily infringed, not only by the
younger boys, but by many far older than myself. Exhibitions, too, of
personal violence were only too common in the playground, and I had even
heard boys, presumably the sons of gentlemen, making use of the word
damn.[3]
Footnote 3:
I repeat this with regret. But truth is often best served, I have
found, by being completely outspoken.
It was not until nearly half-term, however, under the eyes of Mr.
Lorton, and in the most sacred hour of the scholastic week, that I
suddenly became conscious of the existence of an evil that for a moment
completely paralysed me. Himself an organiser rather than a scholar, a
proprietor rather than a professor, Mr. Lorton confined himself, in
respect of actual teaching, to the exposition of the Holy Scriptures.
For this purpose he visited each class once a week in rotation, the
text-book employed being the Lorton Bible for Schools, published by his
brother, Mr. Chrysostom Lorton. We had been studying, I remember, the
Second Book of Kings, and considering the evil reign of Pekahiah, when
Mr. Lorton suddenly asked the head boy of the form if he could tell him
the name of his successor.
This was of course Pekah, the son of Remaliah, with whom I had been
familiar for several years. But unfortunately my position in the centre
of the class forbade my giving an immediate answer. Nevertheless I
perceived, as boy after boy mutely revealed the depths of his ignorance,
that I had probably been destined by the grace of Providence to become
the means of their enlightenment. What was my horror, then, on this
beautiful autumn day, with the November sunlight slanting through the
window, to observe Harold Harper, the boy on my left, and Henry Hancock,
the boy on my right, each studying the Second Book of Kings under the
shelter conferred by his desk. Objectionable lads as I knew them both to
be, I had never dreamed them to have been capable of this, and when
Henry Hancock rose in his place and without a tremor said, “Pekah, son
of Remaliah,” it was as though each syllable had been a knife deeply
plunged into my very vitals. Pale with wrath I rose to my feet.
“Sir,” I cried, “Henry Hancock was deceiving you. He read his answer
from the open Scripture.”
There was a deathly pause.
“And not only that,” I said, “but Harold Harper was prepared to do the
same.”
Mr. Lorton removed his eye-glasses.
“Hancock and Harper,” he said, “stand up.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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