Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
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Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
Such was the case, however, for when brooding alone, upon the very next
evening, in Greenwich Park, a familiar voice pierced my consciousness
and suddenly awakened my every faculty. It was a warm but cloudy April
dusk, and I was sitting upon a seat under a large chestnut tree, when I
began to hear again, to my disgust and astonishment, the detested voice
of Mr. Septimus Lorton. Rapidly withdrawing myself behind the tree, I
then observed him to be approaching my seat, evidently engrossed in his
conversation with a medium-sized female who was accompanying him. For a
moment, as was only natural, I resolved to transport myself as far as
possible from his neighbourhood. But by some impulse—I realize now, of
course, that this could only have had one origin—I merely performed
perhaps a quarter of a revolution round the commanding trunk of the
chestnut tree. By this manœuvre, not, I think, uningenious, I thus
concealed myself from his vision while at the same time conferring upon
myself such possible advantages as might accrue from observation. Nor
was the event to prove me unjustified. For hardly had he arrived at the
seat that I had vacated when he proceeded, accompanied by his companion,
himself to sit down upon it.
Being a slow runner my position now was one of the extremest peril, and
in the event of detection, I could only have relied upon my happily
exceptional vocal powers. But a closer inspection of Mr. Lorton’s
companion and something in the tones in which he was addressing her
combined in bidding me hold my ground entirely regardless of personal
danger. Indeed from the beginning, I think, it was less the physical
than the moral contingencies that disturbed me. For I had instantly
recognized, to my profound discomfort, that the person accompanying him
_was not Mrs. Septimus Lorton_. A woman of much slenderer and more
graceful build, she had a pink complexion and hazel eyes, with a rather
large but conceivably alluring mouth, and a considerable quantity of
yellowish hair. Her name, it appeared, was Nina, the i being pronounced
as if it were an e, and it was quickly apparent to me that, for the
first time, I was in the presence of the gravest human vice. Nor have I
ever, perhaps, entirely recovered from the enormous shock of that
discovery. For though I had been aware, of course, from my studies of
Holy Scripture, that such things had occurred in the Middle East, and
had even deduced from contemporary newspapers their occasional survival
in the British Islands, I had never dreamed it possible that here, in a
public park in the Xtian London of my own experience, a married man
could thus openly sit with his arm round a female who was not his wife.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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