Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man — John Shaqi
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
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Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
Again my father smiled.
“But a brother, you must remember, whose testimonial would be worse than
useless.”
For a moment Mr. Lorton glanced from side to side with the bestial
expression of a hunted rat. Then he spoke huskily, after licking his
lips again and listening for a second or two over his left shoulder.
“Perhaps I was rather hasty,” he said, “rather hasty. In fact I
had—er—already begun to reconsider that.”
“I am happy to hear it,” said my father.
“In fact,” said Mr. Lorton, “I think something could be done.”
My father bowed again. He was no longer smiling. I had seldom, indeed,
seen him look so grave.
“For the sake of your school,” he said, “to say nothing of your soul,
and for the sake of your brother’s business, I sincerely hope so.”
“Oh, I think so,” said Mr. Lorton, “I think so. Now, let me see. How
could I be most helpful?”
My father cleared his throat.
“Deeply as I am inclined,” he said, “to expose this iniquity to the
uttermost, and irreparable as has been its injury to my son’s
sensibilities, I am yet prepared to concede you the opportunity of
retaining at least the semblance of your good name. But for my son I
must claim every guarantee. Upon my son’s future your own is dependent.”
I dare not record that Mr. Lorton smiled. Let me rather say that he
exposed his incisors.
“Dear Augustus,” he said, “I’m sure he’ll succeed. I’ll send a line to
my brother’s wife.”
My father’s expression never changed.
“Do you apprehend then,” he inquired, “that she can secure him the
requisite position?”
“Far more probably,” said Mr. Lorton, “than I. My—er—Mr. Chrysostom
Lorton is deeply attached to her.”
My father’s silence was perhaps more eloquent than any merely verbal
condemnation.
“I—er—I’ll write to-night,” said Mr. Lorton.
“Perhaps,” said my father, “you’d be so kind as to give us Mrs.
Chrysostom Lorton’s address.”
Mr. Lorton hesitated.
“Oh—er—certainly,” he said. “Paternoster Towers, Enfield.”
My father made a note of this in his diary.
“We shall call upon her,” he said, “to-morrow at noon.”
Mr. Lorton emitted a sort of gargling sound.
“I—er—I’ll tell her,” he said. “She’ll be delighted.”
Strong in the Lord, therefore, and indeed in comparatively good spirits
considering the vileness with which we had been brought into contact, we
returned home to a belated but none the less substantial meal; and it
was not until this had been absorbed and my mother was in the scullery,
cleansing the dishes that had contained it, that my father referred
again to the interview that had been arranged for the following day.
“Although it seemed wise,” he said, “to suggest to that creature that
both you and I would be present at it, I am afraid that my obligations
to the Consolidated Water Board will in reality prevent me from being
there, and that you must be prepared therefore, my dear Augustus, to
face that female alone.”
I bowed my head.
“I pray that you may trust me,” I said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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