Back to the Woods: The Story of a Fall from GraceHobart, George V. (George Vere)
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Back to the Woods: The Story of a Fall from Grace
Hobart, George V. (George Vere)
Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
"You little imp!" I yelled; "do you mean to tell me you've been
doing a Swinnerton all over this man's house? S'cat!" and I
reached for a shoe.
"Cut it!" cried Tacks, indignantly. "Didn't the janitor say he'd
miss me dreadful, and how can he miss me 'less'n he sees my loving
rememberments all over the place every time he shows this
compartment to somebody else? And it is impolite to go 'way
forever and ever amen without farewelling the janitor!"
"Where do you think you're going?" I inquired, trying hard to be
calm.
"To the country to live, sister told me," Tacks bubbled; "and we
ain't never coming back to this horrid city, sister told me; and
you bought the house for a surprise, sister told me; and it has a
pizzazus all around it, sister told me; and a cow that gives
condensed milk, sister told me; and they's hens and chickens and
turkey goblins and a garden to plant potato salad, and they's a
barn with pigeons in the attic, and they's a lawn with a barbers
wire fence all around it, sister told me; and our trunks are all
packed, and we ain't never coming back here no more, sister told
me; and I must hurry and farewell them two doors!"
Tacks was slightly in the lead when my shoe reached the door, so he
won.
At breakfast we were joined by Uncle Peter and Aunt Martha, both of
whom fairly oozed enthusiasm and Clara J.'s pulse began to climb
with excitement and anticipation.
I was on the bargain counter, marked down from 30 cents.
Every time Uncle Peter sprang a new idea in reference to his
garden, and they came so fast they almost choked him, I felt a
burning bead of perspiration start out to explore my forehead.
Presently to put the froth of fear upon my cup of sorrow there came
a telegram from "Bunch" which read as follows:
New York ----
John Henry
No. 301 W. 109th St.
Sister and family will move in country house tomorrow be sure to
play your game to-day good luck.
Bunch.
"Poor John! you look so worried," said Clara J., anxiously; "I
really hope it is nothing that will call you back to town for a
week at least. It will take us fully a week to get settled, don't
you think so, Aunt Martha?"
I dove into my coffee cup and stayed under a long time. When I
came to the surface again Uncle Peter was explaining to Tacks that
baked beans grew only in a very hot climate, and in the general
confusion the telegram was forgotten by all except my harpooned
self.
Clara J. and Aunt Martha were both tearful when we left the flat to
ride to the station, but to my intense relief no mention was made
of the trunks, consequently I began to lift the mortgage from my
life and breathe easier.
On the way out Tacks left a small parcel with one of the hall boys
with instructions to hand it to the janitor as soon as possible.
"It's a little present for the janitor in loving remembrance of his
memory," Tacks explained with something that sounded like a catch
in his voice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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