longing that was not altogether born of reminiscence?
In the winter following, in January, I made an effort to give up the
use of tobacco,--a habit in which I was confirmed, and of which I have
nothing more to say than this: that I should attribute to it almost all
the sin and misery in the world, did I not remember that the old Romans
attained a very considerable state of corruption without the assistance
of the Virginia plant.
On the night of the third day of my abstinence, rendered more nervous
and excitable than usual by the privation, I retired late, and later
still I fell into an uneasy sleep, and thus into a dream, vivid,
illuminated, more real than any event of my life. I was at home, and
fell sick. The illness developed into a fever, and then a delirium set
in, not an intellectual blank, but a misty and most delicious wandering
in places of incomparable beauty. I learned subsequently that our
regular physician was not certain to finish me, when a consultation was
called, which did the business. I have the satisfaction of knowing that
they were of the proper school. I lay sick for three days.
On the morning of the fourth, at sunrise, I died. The sensation was not
unpleasant. It was not a sudden shock. I passed out of my body as one
would walk from the door of his house. There the body lay,--a blank,
so far as I was concerned, and only interesting to me as I was rather
entertained with watching the respect paid to it. My friends stood about
the bedside, regarding me (as they seemed to suppose), while I, in
a different part of the room, could hardly repress a smile at their
mistake, solemnized as they were, and I too, for that matter, by
my recent demise. A sensation (the word you see is material and
inappropriate) of etherealization and imponderability pervaded me, and
I was not sorry to get rid of such a dull, slow mass as I now perceived
myself to be, lying there on the bed. When I speak of my death, let me
be understood to say that there was no change, except that I passed out
of my body and floated to the top of a bookcase in the corner of the
room, from which I looked down. For a moment I was interested to see my
person from the outside, but thereafter I was quite indifferent to
the body. I was now simply soul. I seemed to be a globe, impalpable,
transparent, about six inches in diameter. I saw and heard everything as
before. Of course, matter was no obstacle to me, and I went easily and
quickly wherever I willed to go. There was none of that tedious process
of communicating my wishes to the nerves, and from them to the muscles.
I simply resolved to be at a particular place, and I was there. It was
better than the telegraph.
It seemed to have been intimated to me at my death (birth I half incline
to call it) that I could remain on this earth for four weeks after my
decease, during which time I could amuse myself as I chose.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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