Country life -- Fiction; Pastoral fiction; Piedmont (U.S. : Region) -- Fiction; Virginia -- Fiction
of men who had fought their way out of a forest fire. Only the look that
Jason wore now had passed from struggle into defeat. He appeared to be
waiting, without fear and without hope, for whatever might happen. "I've
seen so many people die," she thought, and then, "In fifty years many
people must die."
She had come home this afternoon a little earlier than usual, and, still
in riding breeches, she stood by the porch and looked down on the inert
figure in the wheel-chair. Jason's eyes were open, but she could not
tell whether he saw her or not. The mask of his features was as blank as
if an indestructible glaze were spread over his face; and he stared
straight before him, searching the road and the distant fields of
life-everlasting for something that was not there. Though his
helplessness was his only hold on her, she felt that it had become too
poignant for her to bear. If only he would speak! If only he would
complain! If only he would say what he was seeking! In the faint
sunshine, beneath the ceaseless rain of leaves, he gathered, a deeper
meaning, a fresher significance. A glamour of sadness enveloped him. For
an instant the memory of the Jason she had first known flickered over
him like a vanishing ray of sunlight. As the gleam faded, she felt that
he was passing with it into some unearthly medium where she could not
follow. It was, she told herself, only the endless riddle of mortality,
renewed again and yet again in each human being. It was the old baffling
sense of a secret meaning in the universe, of a reality beneath the
actuality, of a deep profounder than the deeps of experience. The
reserve of even one human being was impenetrable; the reserve of every
human being was impenetrable. Of what was he thinking? she wondered, and
knew that she could never discover. Had he loved her in the past, or had
his desire for her been merely a hunger? Would he have been faithful to
her if stronger forces had not swept him away? Which was the accident,
his love or his faithlessness? When it was over, had she dropped out of
his life, or had she continued to exist as a permanent influence? Was he
better or worse than she had believed him to be? She had never known,
and now she could never know. The truth would always elude her. She
could never wring his secret from this empty shell which was as
unfathomable as the sea. She felt that the mystery was killing her, and
she knew that it was a mystery which could never be solved.
She tried to ask, "How much did I mean in your life?" an found herself
reciting, parrot-like, "Do you feel any pain?"
He shook his head, without looking at her. His gaze was still on the
road where it dipped at the bridge and travelled upward into the dreamy
distance.
"Are you ready for your eggnog?" The effort to make her voice sound
light and natural brought tears to her eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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