Such are the sentiments expressed with rude clarity by these yawns
of his—and there is no mistaking them. I am also aware that he is
perfectly right in cherishing such sentiments and that in his eyes
I am guilty. And so my hand steals towards his shoulder for a pat
or two, or I proceed to stroke the top of his skull. But he has no
use for caresses under such circumstances. He refuses to acknowledge
or accept them. He gives another yawn, and this still more rudely
than before, if that be possible, and withdraws himself from my
conciliatory hand. He withdraws himself, even though he is extremely
fond of such caresses, in accordance with his earthy, all too
earthy sentimentality, and in contradistinction to the impervious
Percy. He particularly appreciates being scratched upon the throat,
and he has acquired a droll but adroit energy in guiding one’s hand
to the proper place by means of short movements of the head. That
he ignores all tendernesses at present is due not only to his
disillusion and disappointment, but also to the fact that he has
no interest for such fondlings when in a state of movement, that
is, a state of movement co-ordinated with mine. He is then obsessed
by a masculine mood and spirit, and scorns all feminine touches.
But an immediate change takes place as soon as I sit down. Then
his heart expands and he becomes receptive to all friendly advances,
and his manner of responding to them is full of rapturous and
awkward insistence.
Often, when I chance to be seated on my chair in the angle of the
garden wall or in the grass with my back against some favourite
tree, reading a book, I am happy to interrupt my literary occupation
in order to speak and play with Bashan. I repeat—to speak with him.
And what do I find to say? Well, the conversation is usually
limited to repeating his name to him—his name—those two syllables
which concern him more than all others, since they designate
nothing but himself, and thus have an electrifying effect upon his
entire being. I thus stir and fire his consciousness of his ego by
abjuring him in different tones and in different degrees of emphasis
to consider the fact that he is called Bashan and that he _is_
Bashan. By keeping this up for a short time I am able to throw him
into a state of veritable ecstasy, a kind of drunkenness of
identity, so that he begins to rotate upon his own axis and to send
loud barks towards heaven—all out of sheer inner triumph and the
proud compulsion of his heart. Or we amuse each other in that I
flick him upon the nose, whilst he snaps at my hand as at a fly.
This forces both of us to laugh, yes, even Bashan must laugh. This
laugh of his—to which I must instinctively respond, is for me the
most wonderful and touching thing in the world. It is unutterably
moving to see how his haggard canine cheek and the corners of his
mouth quiver and jerk to the excitement of the teasing, how the
dusky mien of the dumb creature takes on the physiognomic expression
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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