Humorous stories; Short stories, English; Supernatural -- Fiction
“I daresay, if we knew more of her history, we should find out that she’d
often been ill before eating the lobster. Aren’t you concealing the fact
that she’d had measles and influenza and nervous headache and hysteria,
and other things that aunts do have, long before she ate the lobster?
Aunts that have never known a day’s illness are very rare; in fact, I
don’t personally know of any. Of course if she ate it as a child of two
weeks old it might have been her first illness—and her last. But if that
was the case I think you should have said so.”
“I must be going,” said Mrs. Eggelby, in a tone which had been thoroughly
sterilised of even perfunctory regret.
Clovis rose with an air of graceful reluctance.
“I have so enjoyed our little talk about Eric,” he said; “I quite look
forward to meeting him some day.”
“Good-bye,” said Mrs. Eggelby frostily; the supplementary remark which
she made at the back of her throat was—
“I’ll take care that you never shall!”
A HOLIDAY TASK
Kenelm Jerton entered the dining-hall of the Golden Galleon Hotel in the
full crush of the luncheon hour. Nearly every seat was occupied, and
small additional tables had been brought in, where floor space permitted,
to accommodate latecomers, with the result that many of the tables were
almost touching each other. Jerton was beckoned by a waiter to the only
vacant table that was discernible, and took his seat with the
uncomfortable and wholly groundless idea that nearly every one in the
room was staring at him. He was a youngish man of ordinary appearance,
quiet of dress and unobtrusive of manner, and he could never wholly rid
himself of the idea that a fierce light of public scrutiny beat on him as
though he had been a notability or a super-nut. After he had ordered his
lunch there came the unavoidable interval of waiting, with nothing to do
but to stare at the flower-vase on his table and to be stared at (in
imagination) by several flappers, some maturer beings of the same sex,
and a satirical-looking Jew. In order to carry off the situation with
some appearance of unconcern he became spuriously interested in the
contents of the flower-vase.
“What is the name of these roses, d’you know?” he asked the waiter. The
waiter was ready at all times to conceal his ignorance concerning items
of the wine-list or menu; he was frankly ignorant as to the specific name
of the roses.
“_Amy Sylvester Partington_,” said a voice at Jerton’s elbow.
The voice came from a pleasant-faced, well-dressed young woman who was
sitting at a table that almost touched Jerton’s. He thanked her
hurriedly and nervously for the information, and made some inconsequent
remark about the flowers.
“It is a curious thing,” said the young woman, that, “I should be able to
tell you the name of those roses without an effort of memory, because if
you were to ask me my name I should be utterly unable to give it to you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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