Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary GemsNye, Bill
General
Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Gems
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
|Thursday evening, in company with a friend, I rode up into the city
on the Rock Island train and was agreeably surprised by seeing a Rocky
Mountain man, a few seats ahead, sitting with a lady who seemed to
be very much in love with him, and he was trying the best he knew
to out-gush her. Now the gentleman's wife was at home in Wyoming in
blissful ignorance of all this business while he was ostensibly buying
his fall and winter stock of goods in Chicago.
The most obtuse observer could see that the companion of this man was
not his wife, for she was gentle toward him, and looked lovingly in his
eyes. Every one in the car laid aside all other business and watched the
performance.
Then I whispered to my friend and said, "That is not the wife of that
man. I can tell by the way they look into the depths of each other's
eyes and ignore the other passengers. I'll bet ten dollars he has seven
children and a wife at home right now. Isn't it scandalous?"
"You can't always tell that way," said my friend. "I've seen people who
had been married twenty years who were just as loving and spooney as
that."
He was biting a little, so I kept at him till he put up the ten dollars
and agreed to leave it with the man himself. It was taking an advantage
of my friend, of course, but he had played a miserable joke on me only
a few days before; so I covered the $10, and walking up to the man I
slapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hullo, George. How do you think
you feel?"
He looked around surprised and amazed, as I knew he would be, but he
wouldn't let on that he knew me. So I slapped him on the shoulder again,
and gurgled a low musical laugh that welled up from the merry depths of
my joyous nature, and filled the car full of glad and child-like melody.
My friend came forward and said, "Mr. Van Horn, let me make you
acquainted with Mr. Nye, of Wyoming, who lives in a wild country, where
every one goes up to every one else and says, hello, George or Jim, no
matter whether he is acquainted or not. You musn't pay any attention to
it at all; he don't mean anything by it. It is his way."
It was Mr. Van Horn, who had lived in Illinois for thirty-five years and
had been married ten years to the lady who sat with him. That evening my
friend and I went to Hooley's to see Robson and Crane, in the "Comedy of
Errors." The play is supposed to be funny. Several people laughed at the
performance at various stages, but I did not, for just as I would get to
feeling comfortable the man who sat next to me, and who claimed to be a
friend of mine, would lean over, and say:
"Hullo, George; how do you think you feel?" Then he would burst forth
into the coarsest and most vulgar laughter. How few people there are
in the world who seem to thoroughly understand the eternal fitness of
things, and how many there are who laugh gaily on in the presence of
those who suffer in silence, and with superhuman strength stifle their
corroding woe.
HE REWARDED HER.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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