What should she do? Flee? She had come to New York for one purpose
only, to settle her financial affairs in the briefest possible time and
return to the country where her work lay. But she had been detained
beyond expectation, for the slow reorganization of one of the companies
in which a large portion of her fortune was invested would not be
complete without her final signature. There were other important
transfers to be made, and moreover Judge Trent had insisted that she
become thoroughly acquainted with her business affairs and able to
maintain an intelligent correspondence with her trustees when he
himself had retired. She had shown a remarkable aptitude for finance
and he was merciless in his insistence, demanding an hour of her time
every day.
Business. She hated the word. What did it matter---- But she knew
that it did matter, and supremely. She might have the beauty, the
brains, and the sex domination to win men to her way of thinking when
she launched herself into the maelstrom of politics, but she was well
aware that her large fortune would be half the battle. It furnished
the halo and the sinews, and it gave her the power to buy men who could
not be persuaded. She had vowed that Austria should be saved at any
cost.
No, she could not go now. She must remain for another month--two
months, possibly. She was no longer in that undisciplined stage of
youth when flight from danger seems the only solution. To wreck the
lives of others in order to secure her own peace of mind would make her
both ridiculous and contemptible in her own eyes, and she had yet to
despise herself. She would "stick it out," "see it through," to quote
the vernacular of these curious American novels she had been reading;
trusting that she had merely been suffering from a flurry of the
senses . . . not so remarkable perhaps. . . .
But her mind drifted back to the past month. Senses? And if it were
not that alone, but merely the inevitable accompaniment of far stranger
processes . . . if it were what she had once so long sought and with
such disastrous results . . . She had believed for so many years that
it existed somewhere, in some man . . . that it was every woman's
right . . . even if it could not last for ever. . . . But while it
lasted! After all, imagination had its uses. It helped to prolong as
well as create. . . . She sank back and closed her eyes, succumbing to
an ineffable languor.
It lasted but a moment. She started up with an exclamation of
impatience and disgust; and she shivered from head to foot. The room
was bitterly cold. There were only ashes on the hearth.
XIII
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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