American fiction -- 20th century; Bohemianism -- Fiction
The phenomenon of an adolescent poet in the family is always liked
and distrusted by simple people--liked because it pleasantly teases
the monotone of their existence, and distrusted because they fear,
without quite knowing why, that it will develop into a being at
variance with the fundamental designs of their lives. Carl’s parents
clucked their tongues in puzzled admiration when he read them one of
his poems, and then, with a note of loquacious fear in their voices,
told him that he must look upon writing as a “side-line”--a pretty,
lightly smirking distraction that could snuggle into the hollows of a
business-man’s life. Carl, who liked the importance of carrying secret
plots within him, did not answer this suggestion, or gave it a sulky
monosyllable, and his reticence frightened his parents. The simple
person is reassured by garrulity, even when it attacks but can derive
nothing from silence save the feeling of an unseen dagger. The Felmans
wanted their son to attain the money that had seduced and eluded their
longings, but deeper than that, they yearned for him to place a colored
wreath over the brows of their tired imaginations--one that could
convince them that their lives had not been mere sterile and oppressed
bickerings. The father, a traveling-salesman for a whiskey-firm,
wanted Carl to be prosperous and yet daring over his cups while the
mother felt that he might become a celestial notary-public, placing his
seal upon the unnoticed documents of her virtues.
Carl experienced the uncertain dreads of a dwarf futilely attempting
to squirm from a ring of perspiring golden giants known to the world,
and not even sure of whether he ought to escape, but knowing only
that a vicious and unformed ache within him found little taste for
the flat-footed routines of clerk or salesman. Upon another planet
this initial writhing is doubtless offered the consolation of better
compromises, but the treadmill uproars of this earth merely increased
Carl’s feelings of shrinking anger.
“Oh, well, I’ll work in a store or sell something, and make money.
Life won’t let you do anything else,” he said to himself. “But inside
of me, m-m, there I’ll do as I please. I’ll make a country where poets
and other begging men live in little huts on the obscure hills and rear
their families of thoughts and emotions, with a haughty peacefulness.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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