American fiction -- 20th century; Bohemianism -- Fiction
For a year he wrestled with different manual labors, and stole when
their perspiring monotones weakened and angered his desire to write
lyrics that were half trite and half thinly wistful, but he finally
decided to return to the midwestern city and brave the reactions of his
parents, whose wrathful letters had sometimes visited his journeys.
He determined to rest awhile amid the moderate comforts of his former
home and felt that he could disarm the anger of his parents with a
masterful, jesting attitude that would muzzle them. And so, penniless
and in dirty clothes, he was now walking through the heavily tawdry
business district of a midwestern city.
CHAPTER II.
On the streets martyred by crowds, electric lights pencilled the night
with their trivial appeals, and an ineffectual approach to daylight
spread its desperately dotted jest over the scene. Since Carl almost
never voiced his actual thoughts and emotions to people, he grasped, as
usual, the luxury of speaking to himself.
“Electric light is only the molten fear of men,” he said, as he strode
through the unreal haste of the crowds. “Men are afraid to look at the
night and they have given it eyes as stiffly frightened as their own.
Underneath the comforting glare of this second blindness they protect
themselves. In a dim light men and women could not easily escape from
each other, for the darkness would tend to press them together, but
in this violent stare of light they are divided by a self-assured
indifference. Watch them as they stride along with an air of gigantic,
amusing importance. The crowd is really a single symbol of many
isolations joined to a huge one. It sees only those people who are
unpleasantly conscious of the electric glare, and who hurry through it
with gestures of alert dislike, or with a slow and morbid desire for
pain.”
This fancy made him feel conspicuously disrobed, and the glances of
passing people became to him flitting symbols of derision directed at
his beard and dirty clothes. As he looked up at the tall, unlit office
buildings, grey and narrowly vertical, they reminded him of coffins
standing on end and patiently waiting for a civilization to crumble,
so that they might inter it and fall to the ground with their task
completed. He reached the apartment-house section in which his parents
lived--rows of three and four-story buildings almost exactly like each
other, and standing like factory boxes awaiting shipment, but never
called for. In front of each building was a little, square lawn hemmed
in between the sidewalk and the curbstone--tiny squares of dusty green
lost in a solved and colorless problem in material geometry. Carl
greeted them with a gesture of ironical brotherhood as he hurried along
the walk, while people, observing his downcast gaze and saluting hands,
sometimes paused to doubt his sanity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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