Bildungsromans; Blind -- Fiction; Parent and child -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
She washes it.... She has such a pretty voice that he would like to
squeeze her hand as she is holding his. And he wanted sympathy. But it
would be too terrifying, he had had enough awkward scenes to-day, he
did not feel strong enough for another if she were to object. And a
nice sight he must be with bandages all over him. Besides, being a
professional, she would not be intrigued by bandages as others might.
No, he could do nothing.
And she? Well, he wasn’t a very interesting case, was he? It was not as
if he had eyes left in their sockets, eyes that needed fighting for to
save. There was nothing interesting in his condition. How she loved
difficult cases. She had only just graduated, so she hadn’t had any.
And he was quite healthy, he was really healing very quickly, and he
hadn’t a trace of shock. They had always told her in the profession
that she would soon get out of it once she had had one, but her dream
was a case of _delirium tremens_; to hear the patient describe the blue
mist and the snakes, snakes crawling over everything. But she hadn’t
had one yet. They fought, there had to be two of you, it kept your
hands full. She was sorry for the poor boy, but then he was not really
suffering. Suffering made you a great well of pity, and that of course
was love.
Her hands felt the bandages and then started work. The pain redoubles,
torn face with white-hot bars of pain shooting across it. He was in
agonies. He was like a bird in a white-hot cage, the pain pursuing him
wherever he turned, and he began to squirm, physically now, in bed.
Agony filled his head and his body and everything of him. She was
changing the dressing, it would be over soon, and he must not moan, for
that was not strong or beautiful. Aah. There, he had done it, and the
pain died down again to the old glow. She had finished and he had
moaned just a second before everything had been over. All for nothing,
and it did not seem much now. She was despising him for moaning, he
could sense it. And the athlete would have riddled his lips with his
strong teeth before he uttered a sound, and then only to ask for a
cigarette. Poor woman. And he was blind, was he?
So that he would grow on into a lonely old age. He would know his way
round the house, and there would be his favourite walk in the garden.
As all blind men he would do everything by touch, and he would have
tremendous powers of hearing. He would play music divinely, on the
gramophone. And the tears would course from behind his sightless
eyeballs--but had he any? He had never thought of that. He felt with
his hand, but the bandages were too tight. He remembered that men with
amputated legs could still waggle the toes which by that time were in
the dustbin. He squinted, and was sure that his eyes were there.
“Nurse, have I any eyes?”
“How do you mean? No, I am afraid they were both taken out, they had to
be.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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