England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
In the course of the afternoon, Godwin sat down to pen the rough draft
of a letter to Lady Whitelaw. When the first difficulties were
surmounted, he wrote rapidly, and at considerable length. It was not
easy, at his time of life, to compress into the limits of an ordinary
epistle all he wished to say to the widow of his benefactor. His
purpose was, with all possible respect yet as firmly as might be, to
inform Lady Whitelaw that he could not spend the last of his proposed
three years at the College in Kingsmill, and furthermore to request of
her that she would permit his using the promised sum of money as a
student at the Royal School of Mines. This had to be done without
confession of the reasons for his change of plan; he could not even
hint at them. Yet cause must be assigned, and the best form of words he
could excogitate ran thus: 'Family circumstances render it
desirable--almost necessary--that I should spend the next twelve months
in London. In spite of sincere reluctance to leave Whitelaw College, I
am compelled to take this step.' The lady must interpret that as best
she might. Very hard indeed was the task of begging a continuance of
her bounty under these changed conditions. Could he but have resigned
the money, all had been well; his tone might then have been dignified
without effort. But such disinterestedness he could not afford. His
mother might grant him money enough barely to live upon until he
discovered means of support--for his education she was unable to pay.
After more than an hour's work he had moderately satisfied himself;
indeed, several portions of the letter struck him as well composed, and
he felt that they must heighten the reader's interest in him. With an
author's pleasure (though at the same time with much uneasiness) he
perused the appeal again and again.
Late in the evening, when he was alone with his mother, he told her
what he had done, and read the letter for her opinion. Mrs. Peak was
gravely troubled.
'Lady Whitelaw will ask her sisters for an explanation,' she said.
'I have thought of that,' Godwin replied, with the confident, cheerful
air he had assumed from the first. 'If the Miss Lumbs go to aunt, she
must be prepared to put them off in some way. But look here, mother,
when uncle has opened his shop, it's pretty certain that some one or
other will hit on the true explanation of my disappearance. Let them.
Then Lady Whitelaw will understand and forgive me.'
After much musing, the mother ventured a timid question, the result of
her anxieties rather than of her judgment on the point at issue.
'Godwin, dear, are you quite sure that his shop would make so much
difference?'
The young man gave a passionate start.
'What! To have the fellows going there to eat, and hearing his talk,
and--? Not for a day could I bear it! Not for an hour!'
He was red with anticipated shame, and his voice shook with indignation
at the suggested martyrdom. Mrs. Peak dried a tear.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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