Q!! (_Charteris throws a wrap around Mrs. Ebbsmith’s shoulders and starts to lead her from the room. At the doorway, with a cry of anguish, Mrs. Ebbsmith breaks from Charteris’ arm and throws herself into the arms of her husband. A smile spreads over the latter’s features as he realises the complete effectiveness of the cure he has practised upon his wife, of the stratagem by which he has won her away from Charteris forever, of the trickery by which he has shown Charteris up to her for the insincere philanderer he is, of the device of pretending to concur in her and Charteris’ plan to elope. He clasps her close to him and presses a kiss on her brow. Charteris takes up his hat, gloves, and stick from the piano, and tip-toes from the room as there falls the_ CURTAIN PROMENADES WITH PANTALOON I Broadway playwright--one who possesses the ability to compress the most interesting episodes in several characters’ lifetimes into two uninteresting hours. II The art of emotional acting, on Broadway, consists in expressing (1) _doubt_ or _puzzlement_, by scratching the head; (2) _surprise_, by taking a sudden step backwards; (3) _grief_, by turning the back to audience and bowing head; (4) _determination_ (if standing), by thrusting handkerchief back into breast pocket, brushing hair back from fore-head with a quick sweep of hand and buttoning lower button of sack coat; (5) _determination_ (if seated), by looking fixedly at audience for a moment and then suddenly standing up; (6) _despair_, by rumpling hair, sinking upon sofa, reaching over to table, pouring out stiff drink of whiskey and swallowing it at one gulp; (7) _impatience_, by walking quickly up stage, then down, taking cigarette from case, lighting it and throwing it immediately into grate, walking back up stage again and then down; (8) _relief_, by taking deep breath, exhaling quickly and mopping off face with handkerchief; and (9) _fear_, by having smeared face with talcum powder! III The leading elements in the Broadway humour, in the order of their popularity: (1) speculation as to how the Venus de Milo lost her arms, and (2) what she was doing with them when she lost them. IV Broadway actors may in the main be divided into two groups; those who pronounce it burgular and those whom one cannot hear anyway back of the second row. V _The Syllogism of the Broadway Drama_ 1. Someone loves someone. 2. Someone interposes. 3. Someone is outwitted, someone marries someone, and someone gets two dollars. VI Such critics as contend that literature is one thing and drama another, are apparently of the notion that literature is something that consists mainly of long words and allusions to Châteaubriand, and drama something that consists mainly of monosyllables and allusions to William J. Burns. VII The test supreme of all acting is the coincidental presence upon the stage of a less competent actress who is twice as good-looking. VIII