Bottoms Up: An Application of the Slapstick to Satire — John Shaqi
Bottoms Up: An Application of the Slapstick to SatireNathan, George Jean
General
Bottoms Up: An Application of the Slapstick to Satire
Nathan, George Jean
American wit and humor
DICK
(_sarcastically_)
You don’t say so!
DALTON
And if it wasn’t for this
(_he smiles sneeringly_)
lady--
DICK
(_stepping quickly to Dalton, raising his hand as if to strike him_)
By God, if you were not so old, I’d----
MARY
(_wildly_)
Dick! Dick!
DICK
(_to Dalton, face to face, pointing to door_)
Now, then, you worthless skunk--you get straight the hell out of here!
(_Dalton looks first at Dick, then at Mary. Then, with a cynical
laugh, shrugs his shoulders and exits_)
MARY
(_throwing herself in Dick’s arms and burying her head on his breast_)
Dick----
DICK
(_stroking her hair fondly_)
Have courage, sweetheart; do not cry. Everything will turn out for the
best in the end.
MARY
You have the courage for both of us. Every blow that has fallen, every
door that has been shut between me and an honest livelihood, every time
that clean hands have been drawn away from mine and respectable faces
turned aside as I came near them, I’ve come to you for comfort and love
and hope--and have found them.
DICK
My brave little woman! My brave little woman! How you’ve suffered in
silence! But brighter days are before us.
MARY
(_pensively_)
Brighter days. I try to see them through the clouds that stand like a
dark wall between us.
DICK
You must not heed such black thoughts, my angel.
MARY
(_sadly_)
I’ll do my best to fight them off--for your sake, _our_ sake.
DICK
There’s a brave dear! And now, good-bye, dearest, until to-morrow.
Remember, when the clouds are thickest, the sun still shines behind
them.
(_exits_)
MARY
(_alone_)
Oh, my Dick, my all, may God protect you!
(_A pause. Then enter Abner, carrying a gun_)
MARY
(_in alarm_)
Father! What are you doing? Where are you going?
ABNER
I’ve heerd all! I’m a-goin’ t’ find the varmint who wronged ye, and
when I find him, I’m a-goin’ t’ _kill_ him, _kill_ him--that’s all!
MARY
Stop, dad! You know not what you do!
ABNER
(_with a sneer_)
_You!_ A fine daughter! A fine one to speak t’ her old father who
watched over her sence her poor mother died, who slaved for her with
these two hands, who----
MARY
(_interrupting_)
Oh, father, that is cruel! Nothing that others could do would hurt
me like those words from you. I have suffered, father; I would rather
starve than----
ABNER
(_brusquely_)
A fine time now fer repentance!
MARY
(_in tears_)
Mercy! Mercy! Have mercy!
ABNER
Mercy, eh? Well, I kalkerlate such as you’ll get no mercy from me!
MARY
(_wildly_)
I was young and innocent; I knew nothing of the world.
ABNER
Go! And never darken these doors again!
(_he throws open the door; the storm howls_)
Go! Fer you will live under my roof no longer! Thus I blot out my
daughter from my life forever, like a crushed wild flower.
MARY
Oh, father, father! You don’t, you won’t, you _can’t_ be so cruel!
(_exits_)
ABNER
(_slams door; stands a moment at knob; then goes slowly to table and
picks up Mary’s photograph. He looks at it; his eyes fill with tears_)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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