Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
So much for Effie. Enter the hero. Webster defines a hero in romance as
the person who has the principal share in the transactions related. He
says nothing which would debar a gentleman just because he may be a
trifle bald and in the habit of combing his hair over the thin spot, and
he raises no objections to a matter of thickness and color in the region
of the back of the neck. Therefore Gabe I. Marks qualifies. Gabe was
the gentleman about whom Effie permitted herself to be guyed. He came to
Chicago on business four times a year, and he always took Effie to the
theater, and to supper afterward. On those occasions, Effie's gown, wrap
and hat were as correct in texture, lines, and paradise aigrettes as
those of any of her non-working sisters about her. On the morning
following these excursions into Lobsterdom, Effie would confide to her
friend, Miss Weinstein, of the lingeries and negligees:
"I was out with my friend, Mr. Marks, last evening. We went to Rector's
after the show. Oh, well, it takes a New Yorker to know how. Honestly,
I feel like a queen when I go out with him. H'm? Oh, nothing like that,
girlie. I never could see that marriage thing. Just good friends."
Gabe had been coming to Chicago four times a year for six years. Six
times four are twenty-four. And one is twenty-five. Gabe's last visit
made the twenty-fifth.
"Well, Effie," Gabe said when the evening's entertainment had reached the
restaurant stage, "this is our twenty-fifth anniversary. It's our silver
wedding, without the silver and the wedding. We'll have a bottle of
champagne. That makes it almost legal. And then suppose we finish up by
having the wedding. The silver can be omitted."
Effie had been humming with the orchestra, holding a lobster claw in one
hand and wielding the little two-pronged fork with the other. She
dropped claw, fork, and popular air to stare open-mouthed at Gabe. Then
a slow, uncertain smile crept about her lips, although her eyes were
still unsmiling.
"Stop your joking, Gabie," she said. "Some day you'll say those things
to the wrong lady, and then you'll have a breach-of-promise suit on your
hands."
"This ain't no joke, Effie," Gabe had replied. "Not with me it ain't. As
long as my mother selig lived I wouldn't ever marry a Goy. It would have
broken her heart. I was a good son to her, and good sons make good
husbands, they say. Well, Effie, you want to try it out?"
There was something almost solemn in Effie's tone and expression.
"Gabie," she said slowly, "you're the first man that's ever asked me to
marry him."
"That goes double," answered Gabe.
"Thanks," said Effie. "That makes it all the nicer."
"Then----" Gabe's face was radiant. But Effie shook her head quickly.
"You're just twenty years late," she said.
"Late!" expostulated Gabe. "I ain't no dead one yet."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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