Once upon a time there was a village called Lew, and it was perched on
the top of a hill 999 feet, 11 inches high. That is the way fairy-tales
have to begin; they insist upon going back into the remote past; but
unfortunately the village of Lew has come down to our own days, and so
has the big hill on which it stands. If we start over again with, "Once
upon a time there was a man of Lew who had fifteen daughters," we are
confronted by exactly the same difficulty; for the man is still alive,
and the fifteen daughters look as if they never would, nor could, belong
to the period when little pixy maids were to be seen any night running
round and round the furze-bushes. The only way out of the difficulty is
to be courageous, to tell the truth, and say: At the top of a hill 999
feet, 11 inches high--some say it is 1,000 feet, but that is not
true--stands the village of Lew, where dwells a man named Heathman, who
has fifteen daughters and not a single son; and the daughters are all
princesses, although it is not easy to say why; but as they are pretty,
and this is a fairy-tale, they must be.
The little village lies within a kind of ring-fence of ash and
sycamores, which shelter the cob houses from the furious gales which
boom and bluster over the Dartmoor tors. The wind is always sighing and
moaning. It is cool upon the hottest day in August, and probably that is
why Lew imports weak-chested people in some quantity. A regular business
is done with big, smoky Bristol. Lew says to Bristol in its own
language, "Us ha' butiful air up over in Demshur, and us ha' a proper
plenty o' cream and butter and suchlike, but us ain't got much golden
money. If yew sends us sickly volk, they can buy our cream and butter,
and us will send 'em back strong." Bristol sees the force of this
argument, and packs up and sends off its weak-chested folk, who reason,
quite sensibly, "What's the use of being ill when we can go to the top
of Lew hill and get well?" There is a tariff, of course, for Lew does
not believe in free imports. The weak-chested folk must buy cream and
butter and suchlike in vast quantities, or they would be promptly
deported under the local Aliens Act. As a matter of fact, they buy Lew
produce without any grumbling; they do even more than they are wanted
to, and are actually spoiling Lew--where tips are unknown and a man will
do an extraordinary lot of work for two shillings--by raising the
prices. They get absurdly grateful, these visitors, who enter Lew weak
and thin, and are exported brown and fat and sleek, like porpoises.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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