No, I did not die of fright: the Thing turned and went away. I heard it
go down the stairs, hurriedly, I thought, as if itself in sudden fear.
Then I rose to call for help. Hardly had my shaking hand found the
doorknob when—merciful heaven!—I heard it returning. Its footfalls as it
remounted the stairs were rapid, heavy and loud; they shook the house. I
fled to an angle of the wall and crouched upon the floor. I tried to
pray. I tried to call the name of my dear husband. Then I heard the
door thrown open. There was an interval of unconsciousness, and when I
revived I felt a strangling clutch upon my throat—felt my arms feebly
beating against something that bore me backward—felt my tongue thrusting
itself from between my teeth! And then I passed into this life.
No, I have no knowledge of what it was. The sum of what we knew at death
is the measure of what we know afterward of all that went before. Of
this existence we know many things, but no new light falls upon any page
of that; in memory is written all of it that we can read. Here are no
heights of truth overlooking the confused landscape of that dubitable
domain. We still dwell in the Valley of the Shadow, lurk in its desolate
places, peering from brambles and thickets at its mad, malign
inhabitants. How should we have new knowledge of that fading past?
What I am about to relate happened on a night. We know when it is night,
for then you retire to your houses and we can venture from our places of
concealment to move unafraid about our old homes, to look in at the
windows, even to enter and gaze upon your faces as you sleep. I had
lingered long near the dwelling where I had been so cruelly changed to
what I am, as we do while any that we love or hate remain. Vainly I had
sought some method of manifestation, some way to make my continued
existence and my great love and poignant pity understood by my husband
and son. Always if they slept they would wake, or if in my desperation I
dared approach them when they were awake, would turn toward me the
terrible eyes of the living, frightening me by the glances that I sought
from the purpose that I held.
On this night I had searched for them without success, fearing to find
them; they were nowhere in the house, nor about the moonlit lawn. For,
although the sun is lost to us forever, the moon, full-orbed or slender,
remains to us. Sometimes it shines by night, sometimes by day, but
always it rises and sets, as in that other life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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