Extinguishing the lamp I pulled the bed-clothing about my head and lay
trembling and silent, unable to shriek, forgetful to pray. In this
pitiable state I must have lain for what you call hours—with us there are
no hours, there is no time.
At last it came—a soft, irregular sound of footfalls on the stairs! They
were slow, hesitant, uncertain, as of something that did not see its way;
to my disordered reason all the more terrifying for that, as the approach
of some blind and mindless malevolence to which is no appeal. I even
thought that I must have left the hall lamp burning and the groping of
this creature proved it a monster of the night. This was foolish and
inconsistent with my previous dread of the light, but what would you
have? Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it
bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated. We know
this well, we who have passed into the Realm of Terror, who skulk in
eternal dusk among the scenes of our former lives, invisible even to
ourselves and one another, yet hiding forlorn in lonely places; yearning
for speech with our loved ones, yet dumb, and as fearful of them as they
of us. Sometimes the disability is removed, the law suspended: by the
deathless power of love or hate we break the spell—we are seen by those
whom we would warn, console, or punish. What form we seem to them to
bear we know not; we know only that we terrify even those whom we most
wish to comfort, and from whom we most crave tenderness and sympathy.
Forgive, I pray you, this inconsequent digression by what was once a
woman. You who consult us in this imperfect way—you do not understand.
You ask foolish questions about things unknown and things forbidden.
Much that we know and could impart in our speech is meaningless in yours.
We must communicate with you through a stammering intelligence in that
small fraction of our language that you yourselves can speak. You think
that we are of another world. No, we have knowledge of no world but
yours, though for us it holds no sunlight, no warmth, no music, no
laughter, no song of birds, nor any companionship. O God! what a thing
it is to be a ghost, cowering and shivering in an altered world, a prey
to apprehension and despair!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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