African Americans -- Fiction; Southern States -- Fiction
Esther begins to dream. The low evening sun sets the windows of
McGregor’s notion shop aflame. Esther makes believe that they really
are aflame. The town fire department rushes madly down the road. It
ruthlessly shoves black and white idlers to one side. It whoops. It
clangs. It rescues from the second-story window a dimpled infant
which she claims for her own. How had she come by it? She thinks of
it immaculately. It is a sin to think of it immaculately. She must
dream no more. She must repent her sin. Another dream comes. There
is no fire department. There are no heroic men. The fire starts. The
loafers on the corner form a circle, chew their tobacco faster, and
squirt juice just as fast as they can chew. Gallons on top of gallons
they squirt upon the flames. The air reeks with the stench of scorched
tobacco juice. Women, fat chunky Negro women, lean scrawny white women,
pull their skirts up above their heads and display the most ludicrous
underclothes. The women scoot in all directions from the danger zone.
She alone is left to take the baby in her arms. But what a baby! Black,
singed, woolly, tobacco-juice baby—ugly as sin. Once held to her
breast, miraculous thing: its breath is sweet and its lips can nibble.
She loves it frantically. Her joy in it changes the town folks’ jeers
to harmless jealousy, and she is left alone.
_Twenty-two._
Esther’s schooling is over. She works behind the counter of her
father’s grocery store. “To keep the money in the family,” so he said.
She is learning to make distinctions between the business and the
social worlds. “Good business comes from remembering that the white
folks dont divide the niggers, Esther. Be just as black as any man
who has a silver dollar.” Esther listlessly forgets that she is near
white, and that her father is the richest colored man in town. Black
folk who drift in to buy lard and snuff and flour of her, call her a
sweet-natured, accommodating girl. She learns their names. She forgets
them. She thinks about men. “I dont appeal to them. I wonder why.”
She recalls an affair she had with a little fair boy while still in
school. It had ended in her shame when he as much as told her that for
sweetness he preferred a lollipop. She remembers the salesman from the
North who wanted to take her to the movies that first night he was in
town. She refused, of course. And he never came back, having found out
who she was. She thinks of Barlo. Barlo’s image gives her a slightly
stale thrill. She spices it by telling herself his glories. Black.
Magnetically so. Best cotton picker in the county, in the state,
in the whole world for that matter. Best man with his fists, best
man with dice, with a razor. Promoter of church benefits. Of colored
fairs. Vagrant preacher. Lover of all the women for miles and miles
around. Esther decides that she loves him. And with a vague sense of
life slipping by, she resolves that she will tell him so, whatever
people say, the next time he comes to town.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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