She has, to the best of my knowledge, absolutely no ideas of her own on any subject, except you. My sole and simple reason for quitting her is that I am leaving school. Treat her right. She likes to be treated. * * * * * =Dear Captain=—Why is Mary Pickford like castor oil?—=Hollywood Holly.= I reckon it’s because both are “queen of the movies.” * * * * * =Dear Bill=—Women are generally referred to as the “weaker sex.” Is it because they are more cowardly than men? My experience as a hen-pecked husband has led to the belief that this expression is sadly misplaced.—=Palefaced Peter.= Once again I referred a question to Mrs. Bill, which, at the outset, showed my weakness. Then the fight was on, but she got in the last word, or words, and here they are: “Our moral courage is infinitely superior to man’s. No male being would dare go into a shop and pull everything off the shelves only to walk out and buy nothing. Men say they wouldn’t like to give the trouble for nothing. But it isn’t that at all. They haven’t the courage. We don’t pull things about to be spiteful, but to see if we can get what we want. If we don’t find it—how can we buy it? And to buy something else to make up is sheer cowardice.” * * * * * =Dear Captain=—I see in your Whiz Bang where you answer some puzzling questions. I have one. What is a gollywhopper?—=Rott N. Peaches.= A gollywhopper, according to the Encyclopedia Bullconica, is a species of humdinger, descendant of the whangdoodle and cousin of an icthyosaurus. * * * * * =Dear Capt. Billy=—Why is the moon like a woman’s heart?—=Lovelorn.= Because it’s always changing and it always has a man in it. * * * * * =Dear Captain Fawcett=—If it takes an eight months old woodpecker with a rubber bill six months to peck through a cypress log big enough to make 300 shingles, how long would it take a six months old grasshopper with a corkscrew leg to kick the seeds out of a cucumber?—=Johnny Jumpup.= Our hired man, Gus, says that he was told by Gus, our village butcher, that an Alabama black man had got a straight tip from the jockey’s bible that it would take just as long for the grasshopper to do the trick you mention as it would take a two-stripe member of the 27th Division to pick off 3,000,001 cooties with a pair of 16-ounce boxing gloves. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—If you had a girl out riding in your automobile, and she complained of being cold and said she would be all right if she only had something around her, would you drive back, as I did, and get her coat?—=Bashful Bob.= No, but I wouldn’t do what you did, you cheerful prevaricator. * * * * *