Den Stonevall Yackson look purty cheap, And all his soldiers feel yust lak sheep. He say: “Dis lady skol standing pat. She ban game old party, ay tal yu dat. Who taking a shot at yon bald head Skol die lak puppy dog, skip along,” he said. All day long in Frederick town Soldiers ban marching op and down. And late dat night, ven dey leave on Soo, Dey see dis fluttering peek-a-boo. And Stonevall Yackson say, “Vat yu tenk.” And yerk out bottle and tak gude drenk. * * * * * Eve’s Retrospection Once Eve took a glance at us here, And her poor heart was filled with good cheer; “When I ran around nude I thought I was rude, But I note I’m in good style this year.” * * * * * Pickled Workin’s There was a young lady named Perkins Who had a great fondness for gherkins; She went to a tea And ate twenty-three, Which pickled her internal workin’s. * * * * * Shame on You, Oscar Said a fellow named Oscar H. Titus: “The shimmy is danced to delight us.” They asked him, by chance, Who invented the dance, And the answer he gave was: “St. Vitus.” * * * * * Passing the Buck The milkman came and left the milk, The nursemaid got the same, She vamped him and he married her, And now the cow they blame. * * * * * At the Beach “Oh, mother, may I go out to swim?” “Oh, yes, my darling daughter, But hang some clothes on each pretty limb, For the po-lice insist you oughter.” _Pasture Pot Pourri_ Oh, aspirin, dear aspirin, my head aches for you. * * * * * _A trip on the ocean will bring out all the good that’s in you._ * * * * * In the army it was: “Gimme,” “Let me take,” and “Have you?” * * * * * When your comprenez vous rope is cut, When you’ve bats in your belfry that flut, When there’s nobody home In the top of your dome, Then your head ain’t a head—it’s a nut. * * * * * Last night I went to see a fortune teller. She read my mind, started to blush, and slapped me right in the face. * * * * * No, Geraldine, Rex Beach is not a summer resort. * * * * * It is said that a woman ofttimes will drive a man to drink. For the land’s sake, show me one. * * * * * Superintendent—“How long did you work at your last job?” Applicant—“Ten years.” “What doing?” “Ten years.” * * * * * The Garter Blues I bought my girl a pair of jeweled garters for Christmas, but now she’s given them to another girl. Now I know I’ll never see those garters again.