There is a man who never does A thing that is not right; His wife can tell just where he is Morning, noon and night. He’s dead. _Jest Jokes and Jingles_ _“If you can’t laugh at the jokes of this age,_ _Laugh at the age of these jokes.”_ He Didn’t Write So Very Often Mr. Ever Sharp of Lead, S. Dak., had the nerve to write that his most embarrassing moment happened when he asked a young lady clerk in a stationery store for some lead. I’m glad I use a fountain pen. * * * * * Isn’t the X-ray wonderful? A Chicago dispatch says with the X-ray it is now possible to have pictures taken of your “diverticula of the sigmoid” for the loved ones at home. * * * * * A Domestic Disaster “Isn’t it awful! My husband has run off with our cook.” “Terrible, and cooks are so scarce!” * * * * * No Chance “There, what was I telling you—figures never lie!” “No, they can’t—not with the dresses the girls are wearing nowadays.” * * * * * A “Major” Operation “What’s the matter, old top? You look sick.” “I’ve just undergone a serious operation.” “Appendicitis?” “Worse than that. I had my allowance cut off.” * * * * * How often, oh how often, As drunk as a son of a gun, Two moons rose over the city Where there should have been but one. * * * * * Modern Methods Kindly gentleman to little girl: “My, but your folks must take good care of you.” Little girl: “Well, they ought to—I’ve got enough of ’em.” “What do you mean, little girlie?” “Well, mister, I’ve got three mamas by my first papa and two papas by my last mama.” “Can that really be so?” “Yes, sir, and my last papa just told me that I had a little baby brother at home and I’m going home now and tell mama.” * * * * * She flaunts a skirt cut rather high, And quite a length of hose, The city girl is never shy, However, shy of clothes. * * * * * Beware of a Skunk, Dead or Alive Men, take warning and never go fur-shopping until you are entirely familiar with the vernacular of the fur store. Listen to my tale of woe. My wife requested that I buy a vermin fur piece for a Christmas present. Later, when I asked the pretty blonde fur clerk if she’d show me her vermin, she gave a look that made me feel like a spare tire on a decootieized tin lizzie. Then I asked for some skunk and she called the floor-walker. I asked him if he had charge of the skunk and he promptly asked me out of the store. But the fresh air felt so refreshing and Mrs. Bill still wears her cloth coat of the vintage of pre-war prices. * * * * * Our Monthly Motto “_Keep your feet on the ground and your mind on Heaven._” * * * * *