Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 2, No. 18, March, 1921: America's Magazine of Wit, Humor and FilosophyVarious
General
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 2, No. 18, March, 1921: America's Magazine of Wit, Humor and Filosophy
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
Accordingly I persuaded Jim, after much difficulty, to buy a dress suit
for the occasion. The tailor couldn’t convince Jim that the vest should
be cut down, and with only one button, but finally they compromised on a
two-button vest.
All went well until we arrived at the hostess’ home and I introduced
Captain Edmunds to her. Jim had on a medal he won for saving a ship at
sea, and my hostess, at first puzzled as to whether he was an ex-army
captain or a sea skipper, noticed the medal, and exclaimed: “Captain, I
see you’re naval.”
The old man blushed and blurted out: “Yes, and if that danged tailor had
his way, you could see a whole lot more.”
* * * * *
The other evening I picked up my old neighbor, Bob Jaeger, for a flivver
spin to see the sights of Minneapolis.
First of all we visited the National Dutch room to enjoy the cabaret.
Bob was much astounded as he viewed the shapely dancers shimmying to the
jazziest of jazz orchestrations.
“What do you think of it, Bob?” I inquired.
“I think you’d better ask the orchestra to play a wedding march, and play
it quick,” he retorted.
* * * * *
Ignorance sometimes causes lots of trouble, and sometimes it falls upon
the innocent. Witness the case of Gus, our hired man.
I went with Gus to the Shoe Palace in Robbinsdale while he purchased a
new pair of boots. Now Gus suffers from a common malady—perspiration of
the feet—and he’s very sensitive about it.
The clerk sprinkled some French chalk into the new shoes as he was about
to try them on. Gus got up angrily.
“If I can’t try on a pair of your boots without having you sprinkle
chloride of lime in them, I’ll take my trade elsewhere,” he bellowed.
It was with much difficulty that I pacified Gus and explained the use
of the chalk. So now Gus has a new pair of boots, and without the lime
disinfectant.
* * * * *
A few days ago, for the first time in many moons, I heard sweet strains
of “Sweet Adeline” coming in a rich soprano, with bass accompaniment,
from a passing automobile on the Whiz Bang farm trail, and it brought me
out of my reveries and revived memories of bygone days.
Thoughts of the many times I had heard that song along the trail from
town, just after the bars of Robbinsdale and Casey’s roadhouse would
close, came to me sweetly.
This brand of choral singing has become a lost art under prohibition.
“Sweet Adeline” as sung by a troop of celebrators who wouldn’t know
whether they were standing on their feet or their heads, was very
beautiful.
To enjoy it thoroughly, one had to be quite drunk himself. Jack would
sing the tenor, Bob the bass and I would join in the chorus, in
sentimental strain. It was all very touching. With it, nothing can
compare.
In my memories I can still picture Jack’s tenor squawking “You’re the
flower of my heart” and Bob’s bass refrain “Sweet Adeline,” after which
came the grand finale. Ah, those were the happy days.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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