“Niggah,” drowsily answered the reclined trooper, “Don’t you all waken me agin till we pass a tree.” * * * * * Something to Worry About In Persia boys and girls never play together. * * * * * Customer in soft drink parlor—Hey there, bartender, stop killing those flies! Don’t you suppose I want a little kick in my beer? * * * * * Squaring Himself Everyone has heard authentic stories of the man who asked another: “Who is that old slob over yonder?” and got the reply: “She is my wife.” But the story doesn’t go far enough. Jones observed an old lady sitting across the room. “For heaven’s sake!” he remarked to Robinson, “who is that extraordinarily ugly woman there?” “That,” answered Robinson, “is my wife.” Jones was taken aback, but moved up front again. “Well,” he said persuasively, “you just ought to see mine!” _Pasture Pot Pourri_ Oh, boys! What wouldn’t I give for just an acre of Cuba in the center of the Whiz Bang farm. * * * * * The reason why Dan Cupid makes so many bad shots is because he aims at the heart while looking at the hosiery. * * * * * _Gi’mea Jane wit alit’l eye_ _an’ a nose so very long,_ _Two lips dat qiv’er an’ make u’ giv’ er_ _a sam’pell ove yoh ’tong._ * * * * * _I got a gal she’s neat_ _Sweet as turkey meat_ _With a great big leg_ _And toot’ie woot’ie feet._ * * * * * Our Latest Song Success Never Mind the Bread, Mother—Father will soon be Home with a Bun. * * * * * It makes no difference what you are, Or what you might have been; But if you want a drink that’s fast, Get a quart of old sloe gin. * * * * * Love Croon of a Gambler Dearie, oh, dearie! If I could have held a hand like this years ago, who knows but what I might have had a full house now. * * * * * Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder; Also makes the poor brain wander. * * * * * Eczema, you can’t belong to our union. You’re too much of a scab. * * * * * Mamma loves papa, and papa loves women. * * * * * A He-Vamp’s Motto _If you want one_ _Thin or fat_ _Get her address_ _From my flat._ * * * * * Latest reports from Cork, Ireland, indicate that the Sinn Fein have taken Pluto, but cannot hold it. * * * * * A girl may drive a coach, Or even a motor car, But the girl who rides a-horseback Is stretching things too far. * * * * *