Your story reminds me of some of my dreams in the Islands, when someone would always awaken me before the Colonel had time to hand me the discharge papers I was dreaming about. I would suggest you pour hot water on Mac next time he slumbers. He will then dream of entering the gates of hell. * * * * * =Dear Skipper=—I’m in love with a fat girl and she insists on sitting on my lap. Advice, please.—=Kennett B. Goode.= Suggest that you place an ironing board over the arms of a chair. You could then hold her on your lap indefinitely and not get tired. * * * * * =Dear Skipper Bill=—Can you give me the name of a rare and almost extinct bird?—=School Johnnie.= Old Crow. * * * * * =Dear Skipper Billy=—Give me a definition of falling in love which “in the spring turns a young man’s fancy,” etc.—=Bob Wire.= Love is a feeling that you feel when you feel you’re going to feel a feeling that you’ve never felt before. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—What is a Whiffem Poof?—=Geo. Logical.= A Whiffem Poof, Geo., is a small fish that swims backward to keep the water from running into its eyes. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—Can you give us a new phrase or word to describe the bedroom movies in which ladies are shown in the filmy robes du nuit, etc.—=Screen Hound.= How would it be to call such pictures “Filmies”? * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—Would you recommend walking on an empty stomach as an aid to digestion?—=Horace D’Oevers.= Walking on an empty stomach is excellent for indigestion, but be careful who you walk on. * * * * * =Dear Skipper Billy=—What is your idea of the height of imagination?—=Ross Field.= To sit on a cake of ice and have someone throw limburger cheese in your face and imagine you are having a sleigh ride. * * * * * =Dear Bill=—Who was the best known enlisted man in the United States army?—=Count Lehman.= Joe Latrine. * * * * * =Dear W. B. Bill=—I’m a bashful young man. How can I have a girl?—=Busch Wah.= Wiser men than I have puzzled over this question and never found a solution. However, I don’t see why you want one. * * * * * =Dear Captain Bill=—Who is it that attracts all the town girls to the depot, and who always suspects the playing card manufacturers, and who causes the farmer to load his shotgun?—=Watt Hoe.= Traveling Men, of course, God bless ’em. * * * * * =Dear Skipper=—What is considered the safest place on a battleship?—=Otto Know.= I believe if I were a sailor during an engagement that I might find it necessary to seek the seclusiveness of “the head.” * * * * *