God has made Cuba beautiful with her altar-like mountains, smile of the sea, waving palms, fragrant fruits and flowers and sweet cane-fields, but Satan has entered this Eden and left his slimy trail. Cuba, “The Pearl of the Antilles,” has been trampled under the hoofs of human swine. Too often the C in Cuban character stands for cupidity, carnality, crookedness, cabals, charlatanism, “Caramba” cursing, and contempt for Americans. Lot left Sodom and was saved. As I sailed away from Havana, I said with Solomon, “Vanity, vanity, all is Havanaty.” * * * * * The Garter Consider the garter. It toileth not; neither doth it sin. It stretcheth far, yet giveth not. When comes night it relaxeth, yet morn finds it willing and ready, yea, happy to take, up its appointed task. It hath no visible means of support; it upholds its end and other things; it is the tie that binds. Without it our lives would indeed be loose lived. It enters far into the career of woman, yet, blows no horn about it. It hideth modestly. Once off the shelf of a blatant shop it retireth for life and man sees it no more. * * * * * All the world knocks a knocker. _Questions and Answers_ =Dear Captain Billy=—I am writing a scenario on army life. Could you suggest an appropriate title?—=Amy Tour.= How about: “Rumors From the Seventh Pew.” All soldiers will appreciate it, I am sure, and especially the Pugetites from Seattle who live on the Sound. * * * * * =Dear Captain Bill=—A friend and myself have an argument and we wish you to settle it. Where hangs the sign: “Don’t leave your seat until the machinery stops running”?—=Sultan of Kokomo.= Well, your sultanic majesty, the only place I recall having seen such a sign was on a merry-go-round, but it might also have appeared on our Robbinsdale trolley. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—How can I become adept in the shimmy dance?—=Flora Daw.= Walk fast; stop quick. Continue this motion. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—Why do girls roll their stockings?—=Noah Count.= Because they are afraid the teddy bears will chew the tops off of them. * * * * * =Dear Uncle Billy=—While sitting in front of a bath house at Hot Springs I fell asleep and soon found myself swinging in a hammock in a shaded nook of the dells of Wisconsin. Nearby sat a young lady magnificently gowned in a low neck and short skirt creation, with her feet on a sugar barrel reading to me from the Whiz Bang. In the distance came a short, fat man carrying two bottles of Hamm’s Export just off the ice. I was about to reach for a bottle when the heavy hand of Friend Mac touched me on the shoulder and awakened me. What I want to know is, what should I do to Mac for shaking me out of my dream before the climax.—=Ham Spear.=