As a sort of free circus the “Village” does well enough for a little while; but it would seem a dubious place to find a wife. * * * * * Thus It Was He was young, good looking and had plenty of money. She was also young and good looking, but lacked the money. Consequently she anxiously awaited for manifestations of affection. “What have you named your new island home?” she inquired one evening, following his description of the wonderful island he had purchased in a neighboring lake. “Isle of View,” he answered, and has since been wondering what happened to the young lady to make her throw herself in his arms. * * * * * There was a cross-eyed judge in Chicago who had three cross-eyed prisoners brought before him. Turning to the first, he said, “What is your name?” and the second replied, “James Smith.” Turning to the second, he said, rather severely, “I wasn’t talking to you.” The third one said, “I didn’t say anything.” * * * * * Wife—Mistress—Lady _The following is translated from the German, and published in the Gazette of the Union, February, 1856_: Who marries from love takes a wife; who marries for the sake of convenience takes a mistress; who marries from consideration takes a lady. You are loved by your wife, regarded by your mistress, tolerated by your lady. You have a wife for yourself, a mistress for your house and its friends, a lady for the world. Your wife will agree with you, your mistress will accommodate you, your lady will manage you. Your wife will take care of your household, your mistress of your house, your lady of appearances. If you are sick your wife will nurse you, your mistress will visit you, and your lady inquire after your health. You take a walk with your wife, a ride with your mistress, and join parties with your lady. Your wife will share your grief, your mistress your money, your lady your debt. If you are dead, your wife will shed tears, your mistress lament, and your lady wear mourning. A year after death your wife marries again, in six months your mistress, and in six weeks, or sooner, when mourning is over, your lady. * * * * * Wifey’s Lament Clarence—“Do you think it will rain?” Doris—“What?” Clarence—“Say yes.” Doris—“I said yes the other day and got myself in grief.” Clarence—“When?” Doris—“The other day.” _Questions and Answers_ =_Dear Cap_=—Are we not all descendants of the monkey? No, we are not. My folks came from Wales. * * * * * =_Dear Skipper_=—Can you tell me why a black cow gives white milk that makes yellow butter?—=_Helen Bach._= For the same reason that blackberries are red when they are green. * * * * * =_Dear Captain Bill_=—What do you think of a man who throws a girl a kiss?—=_Ima Blower._= I think he’s the laziest man in the world. * * * * *