=_Dear Farmer Bill_=—How do you keep milk from souring?—=_Reggie._= Leave it in the cow. * * * * * =_Dear Cap_=—Why is it that professors claim touch to be the most delicate of all the senses?—=_Hook M. Cowe._= Well, here’s why: when you sit on a pin you can’t see it, you can’t hear it, you can’t taste it—but it is there. * * * * * =_Dear Captain_=—What is a button?—=_Holly Woode._= A small event that always comes off. * * * * * =_Dear Capt. Billy_=—The waiters in our city of Brainerd have just organized a union and wish you would kindly suggest some sort of a yell to hand the cooks when they raise the dickens with us.—=_Tillie Olson._= My feeble effort: Grape nut, Grape nut, Malta vita force. Keep your trap closed. Well, of course. We want oysters, Rah! Rah! Rah! Nabisco wafers Bah!! * * * * * =_Dear Capt. Billy_=—I am about to organize a nice little club for thirsty people. What motto should our organization adopt?—=_Sipper Jin._= How about this one: “If you don’t see what you want, ask for it.” * * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—What were the two most popular ballads of the American doughboy in France?—=_Mona Long._= Before the armistice it was “I Want to Go Home.” Afterwards it was “If You Want to Go Home, Just Let Them Alone.” * * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—My father is a motor-man, and my mother is a conductorette. What am I?—=_Enter Tainem._= A transfer. * * * * * =_Dear Cap’n_=—What is a Pomeranian Whiff Sniff?—=_Willack Fulish._= A Pomeranian Whiff Sniff is a species of small wooly dog with the curious habit of trying to climb telegraph poles, hind feet first. * * * * * =_Dear Captain_=—Being as you are an etiquette expert, I would like to ask if it is a gentleman’s duty to approach a young lady and tell her that her eyebrow is on crooked and that she has a speck of soot on her right ankle?—=_Inquisitive Andy._= A gentleman is not supposed to notice the details of a lady’s attire. He is supposed to be in a state of rapturous admiration of the tout ensemble. * * * * * =_Captain Billy_=—Is a sallow, pale skin always affected by weak people?—=_I. M. Payle._= Dear Payle—Not always! I know a chap that was very dark, but he found a pair of dice and right from then he began to fade, and fade and fade. * * * * * =_Dear Skipper Bill_=—Why is a ship always called “She”?—=_M. T. Beane._= Probably because the rigging costs more than the hull. * * * * * =_Dear Farmer Bill_=—What is the best way to make both ends meet?—=_Lady de Barbour._= Learn to be a contortionist. * * * * *