An Irishman and a Scotchman were standing at a bar—and the Irishman had no money. * * * * * Glorious Daze Two drunks on a train. No. 1—“Whas sha time?” No. 2 (pulling card case out of pocket)—“Thurshday.” No. 1—“Thash our stashon. Letsh get off.” * * * * * Try This One =_The wedding cake was heavy, but the candles made it light._= * * * * * =_If your girl shakes you, don’t get rattled._= * * * * * Something to Worry About! A New Brunswick priest covered his eyes in shame as some girls passed him at a bathing beach. * * * * * We Dodged Two Yesterday The starving pole cat leaned against the post without a cent. * * * * * “I’ll stick to you whate’er betide, Though all the world may scoff.” Thus spoke the heavy flannel shirt, But the man said, “Aw, come off!” * * * * * He led her to the altar, ’twas merely tit for tat; He led her to the altar, she led him after that. * * * * * He stood on the bridge at midnight, Beneath the heaven’s great dome, Because he was married and the jag that he carried, Made him afraid to go home. * * * * * =_When I go to bed at night I snore so loud I cannot sleep. In fact, I am often compelled to go into the next room so that I may not hear myself snore._= * * * * * “How is the milk maid?” He said with a bow. “It isn’t made, Sir, It comes from a cow.” * * * * * Very Versatile We heard the story the other day about a sailor at a ship’s concert who was unable to sing as scheduled on the program, and who offered in lieu thereof to show the audience the pictures tattoed on his chest. * * * * * Paris Made _A world war veteran hobbled into the hardware store the other day and ordered some “tacks.”_ _“What kind?” asked the clerk._ _“I want to use them for garters,” said the lame Vet._ * * * * * A New Fad (A street sign in St. Paul) “GET YOUR SHOES SHINED INSIDE.” * * * * * X-Y-Z Tragedy “Combination shot,” murmured the pool shark, as he leaned too far over the billiard table. * * * * * A Brief History Whiz Bang history of the world war: I want to go home! When do we eat? Who won the war? The Y.M.C.A. Don’t stand there, soldier. This is for officers only. If I hit, I don’t want any change. Was that pay day or mess call? Villa vouz promenade, M’lle? The battle of Vim Rouge. Mademoiselle fidelle, finee leguerre. Hello, Statue of Liberty! * * * * * An Autumn Song Success