He—Let’s go to the dance tonight. She—Why do you like to dance so much? He—Oh, for many reasons—I can put my arm around you, draw you up close, feel your soft cheek against mine, and— She—That will do! Let’s stay at home and make believe we went to the dance. * * * * * Jes’ a Jester Jest Some people say: “Get thee behind me, Satan and push me along.” * * * * * What Ho? First Lunch Hound—“Well, old strawberry, howsa boy? I just had a plate of oxtail soup and feel bully.” Second Counter Fiend—“Nothing to it, old watermelon. I just had a plate of hash and feel like everything.” * * * * * _He knew that she would thank him not,_ _He cared not for her scorn;_ _He offered her his street car seat,_ _To keep her off his corn._ * * * * * Our Harnessed Bulls First Cop—Say, did you get that fellow’s number? Second Cop—No, he was going too fast. Say, but wasn’t that a fine looking dame in the back seat? Yep, wasn’t she though! Musings of A Bachelor Between two women of equal beauty, always pick the one who closes her eyes when she kisses you. She’s not so likely to think you want to marry her. The proof that men do not understand women is that they love them. The proof that women =_do_= understand men is that they marry them. The first kiss is always stolen by the man. And the last one is always begged by the woman. The length of a woman’s kiss nearly always depends upon the breadth of her imagination. To remain a woman’s ideal a man must die a bachelor. A woman’s idea of Hell—“Nobody loves me and my clothes don’t fit.” If there were only three women left in the world, two of them would immediately convene a court-martial to try the other one. Men frequently marry to keep other men from getting the woman they desire. They are not always successful. The final definition of love is something that gives pain without hurting. Self-respect means a comfortable sense that you have not been found out. When a man commits a sin, he says, “How shall I conceal this?” When a woman commits a sin she says, “How can I let my friends know of this without bragging?” The theory that really to know two women one must introduce them is ridiculous. It often results in a divorce. A woman’s head is not always turned by flattery; sometimes its peroxide. When a woman starts an idle rumor, it at once ceases to be idle. One beauty of being single is that it’s a dreadfully thrilling experience until one’s wife finds it out. It must be dreadful to meet at dinner the man who ran away with one’s wife. It places one under =_such_= an obligation! If there were only one bachelor in the world, every married woman would still think she made a mistake when she married her husband. Experience in man is something which is brought with the tears of plain women and the kisses of pretty ones.