Love without respect is an angel with but one wing. To make marriage perfect, the husband should be deaf and the wife blind. * * * * * Life is a river. Men are the boats. Women are the sandbars. * * * * * Fashion note: Cellar steps are worn very much this year. * * * * * Our Army Daze About 2:00 o’clock one morning while making the rounds as Officer of the Day, I was halted by a sentry on post. After giving the pass word and being duly recognized, I asked for his special orders. You may imagine my surprise as he stood at port arms and said: “Sir (hic), my special orders are: This post extends from tank to tank; Salute all officers according to rank; Take charge of all the shot and shell, And all the water in the (hic) well, And all the wood that’s in the yard,— In case of fire, alarm the guard. These are the orders I received From the gosh darned sentry I relieved. If this isn’t so, may I drop dead; I’ve only had two hours in bed, (Hic) Sir (hic).” * * * * * Blankety Blank Verse By William Sanford My wife came in very late last night, Explaining that she had spent the evening With her friend Cora. But she did not look me in the face When she said it. But what could I say, Coming in but a moment before, After having spent the evening Myself With Cora. * * * * * Even a fish won’t get caught—if it keeps its mouth shut. Larry Turn the Crank For the past year or so a flock of these motion picture fellows have been coming to see Ye Editor with propositions to put out a Motion Picture Edition of this little journal of wit, humor and filosophy, and now it looks like we would succumb to these offers. At this writing, our Hollywood representative, Mr. Morrison B. Egbert, is negotiating with film distributors for the putting on the screens of up to eight thousand theaters weekly the Screen Edition OF Captain Billy’s WHIZ BANG The film will contain gems of early issues and new material not published in current issues. Jokes, jests, jingles, advice to the lovelorn from Captain Billy, Mail Bag, Pot Pourri and other delectable offerings will be filmed. As this magazine reaches the hands of YOU, the Reader, the weekly film should be ready for booking. If your theater doesn’t show it, ask the manager to get busy and climb on our band wagon. In conclusion, as our friend K. C. B. would remark— I Thank You. Captain Billy _Our Winter Annual_