“Yes,” remarked the stout lady in the private bar of the Helping Hand, “my Joe give me a ruddy good leatherin’ larst night. You oughter see my shoulders! They’re black and blue. But,” she added proudly,“’e never ’its me on the face, where it’ll show. My Joe’s too much of a gentleman for that.” * * * * * Reverting to the subject of colored babies, George Washington Jackson, informs us that his wife presented him with one last week that weighed only two pounds. Now he wants to know if this isn’t the first time a colored baby was born so light. * * * * * Yes, Alfred, the ambitious girl is ambitious to make a name for herself, but she usually ends by accepting some man’s. * * * * * Lost, Almost A pacifist orator in Hyde Park, London, was declaiming against war. Seeing a returned soldier listening on the edge of the crowd, he roared out: “See that man! He is garbed in the uniform of war. But I belong to the army of heaven.” The “Tommy,” leisurely removing his pipe from his mouth, dryly replied: “You’re a ’ell of a way from your barracks, then.” * * * * * The height of Sir Walter Raleighism was observed at a bathing beach last month, when a young man carried a bathing suit clad girl from boat to shore through six inches of water so the poor dear would not get her feet wet. * * * * * Blessed are the orphan children, for they have no mothers to spank them. Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed. * * * * * All we have to do in Robbinsdale to feel the spirit of the good old days is to eat an ear of corn and drink a pint of water. * * * * * Since the country is dry why manufacture umbrellas with crooked handles to hang over bars? * * * * * If a woman can’t break some man’s heart she gets reckless and breaks her own. * * * * * Wise men never borrow trouble when they can borrow money instead. * * * * * One swallow doesn’t make a summer, But one frog can make a spring. * * * * * The other day I was riding in the street car. I had my eye on a seat, but a woman sat on it. * * * * * A chilly reception doesn’t cool one off on a hot day. * * * * * Men fight with their fists, women with their tears. * * * * * When spinsterhood is bliss, ’tis folly to be wives. * * * * * We will now sing that touching little ballad, entitled, “Girls, don’t put make-up on your eyes, I’ll blacken ’em for you,” by the writers of “Naughty Nellie.” * * * * *