Mother—“Keep quiet. You’re just like your father.” * * * * * Crossing the “Bar” Midnight, a gleaming star, On one who pinches me, For hanging on a “soft drink” bar Till I can hardly see. Curled peacefully in ash barrel I would sleep And dream of foaming mug, But policeman with a bass voice deep, Tuts me in the jug. * * * * * Knock ’er On the Kiss! A discussion on dancing became quite heated. The Girl in the case challenged her partner to prove his contention that any man could kiss a girl against her will. They clinched and after a brief but determined struggle, the girl was being ardently osculated. Upon being freed from the fervent hold the girl sighed and said, “Well, you won but it wasn’t fair. My foot slipped. Let’s try it again.” _Questions and Answers_ =_Dear Captain Billy_=—Could you explain the latest dance called “The Horse Trot”?—=_White Capp._= According to our New York correspondent, “The Horse Trot” is done with a little wagon behind. * * * * * =_Mon Captaine_=—What ees zis theeng zey call ze “all day suckair”?—=_Suzanne Lengthen._= An “all day sucker,” Suzanne, is a poor simp who buys a girl’s lunch and supper; takes her to a show; puts on a midnight feed, and has the taxi wait while he bids her good night at the door of her flat. * * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—Kissing causes my heart to flutter violently. What should I do when my sweetheart tries to kiss me?—=_May Leigh._= Letter flutter. * * * * * =_Dear Keptin_=—What is the quickest lunch you ever heard of?—=_Pholush A. Ginn._= Hasty pudding on a Jewish Fast day. * * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—I have several gentlemen friends whom I would like to give presents to on Christmas. Would you kindly give me a list of suggestions?—=_Miss Goo C. Lou._= Below are ten suggestions which I think would make gifts appreciated by almost any man: 1. A quart of hootch. 2. A quart of hootch. 3. A quart of hootch. 4. A quart of hootch. 5. A quart of hootch. 6. A quart of hootch. 7. A quart of hootch. 8. A quart of hootch. 9. A quart of hootch. 10. A quart of hootch. * * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—What is a husband?—=_Little Willie._= Something no respectable woman should be without. * * * * * =_Dear Captain Billy_=—What is steam?—=_Talo Pott._= Steam is water gone crazy with the heat. * * * * *