’Tis the land where satisfaction, Peace, love and feuds reside, And the farms they sit up edgeways; You can farm on either side. Where they dance from dark till daylight, Calling swing, and balance all; With the fiddler full o’ pine top, Playing Turkey in The Straw. When you read these lines, yours truly Will be there for evermore, Wading through the moonshine, Singing Sailor on The Shore. And my address, should you want me, Will be Flatrock, Arkansaw; Care o’ Wildcat Hiram Johnson, In the Land of Gee and Haw. * * * * * Ten Years on the Islands Ten years on the Islands, And you’re mad; Not a spark of decency— Oh! it’s sad; Can’t recall one sober day, That you’ve had; You’ve let the tropics get you, And you’re bad. Ten years on the Islands, And you fell, Hardly conscious of surrender, To the spell; You’re eaten up with leprosy, Traders tell, You’re a comber of the beaches— Gone to hell. Ten years on the Islands, It’s too long, To preserve one’s sense of right, And of wrong, The tropic’s spell is gentle, But it’s strong, It feeds the soul on lotus, Till it’s gone. * * * * * Spoiled Girl When you are awfully cross to me I pout, and pout, and pout, My lip goes down, my eyes get big And then my tears come out. When you are awfully good to me I smile, and smile, and smile, So if you like sun more than rain Try being good awhile. * * * * * Great Gawsch! “Hang it all, daughter,” exploded old Jenkins. “You can’t marry young Dobbins, I won’t have it. Why he only makes eighteen dollars a week.” “I know father,” replied the sweet young thing, “but a week passes so quickly when you are fond of each other.” * * * * * Hot Dog! It doesn’t extinguish the conflagration in a man’s burning brain when a pretty girl turns her hose on him. * * * * * How to Get Tips Smith Dalrymple tells this one: When I was in Bartlesville I went into a lady barber shop to get shaved. That was the first female joint I ever saw. When I went in the barber was sitting on a fellow’s lap. She jumped up and said, “You’re next.” I said, “I know it and I know who I am next to.” She said, “Do you want a close shave?” I said, “No, I just had one, my wife passed the window and didn’t look in.” I gave her a quarter, she handed me back ten cents and before I thought where I was I said, “Put it in the piano.” * * * * * Those Flivvers Again We heard a couple talking in the rear of a machine ahead of us. The man sighed, “Oh, dearest, you never have acted this way before. Always you have been cold towards me and now you’re—”