* * * * * How We Do It A witty political candidate, after making a speech in an agricultural district, announced that he would be glad to answer any question that might be put to him. A voice from the audience: “You seem to know a lot about a farmer’s difficulties. May I ask you a question about a momentous one?” “Certainly,” replied the candidate, nervously. “How can you tell a bad egg?” went on the merciless voice. The candidate waited until the laughter had died down, then replied, “If I had anything to tell a bad egg I think I should break it gently.” He won the place. * * * * * April Fool! It was only an old beer bottle, Floating across the foam, Just an old beer bottle, Far away from home. Only an old beer bottle, With these sad words written on, “Whoever finds this beer bottle, Will find that the beer’s all gone.” * * * * * Another Married Chestnut “I had a queer dream last night, my dear. I thought I saw another man running off with you.” “What did you say to him?” “I asked him what he was running for.” * * * * * For Men Only When you play poker you take a chance; when you marry you have no chance. * * * * * Maids want nothing but husbands; after that they want everything. * * * * * Most of the women who cry at weddings have been married themselves. * * * * * Our Carpenter Hero He “hammered” on the door; was answered by a girl who wore a white “sash,” and asked if he could get a “square” meal. He “saw” that the place was “plane” but clean, and “planking” himself down to the table, he “braced” his legs beneath the chair, and “bit” into a Parker “House” roll. His “nails” were rather dirty, but he met the “stairs” of those about him with a “level” glance. After “bolting” his food, he “shingled” off a dollar bill, paid the girl, opining that it was a good place to “board.” * * * * * _The tenants who formerly lived on the floor above said that our baby balled them out._ * * * * * Hi Say, Chappie Maybelle (coquettishly)—You tickle me, Duke. The Duke—My word, what a strange request! * * * * * Action vs. Words Have you ever After an evening Of anticipation Finally arrived At the crucial moment And with a Depth breath Taken the.... Initial step Aeons later A small voice Somewhere is Heard to say “Don’t” While two arms About one’s neck Refute the argument. —Voo Doo. * * * * * Friday Special Restaurant patron—Have you any whale, waiter? No, sir. Have you any shark? No, sir. Then give me a T bone steak. God knows I asked for fish.