If you should marry a hootch hound I’ll tell you what to do. Get a leaky boat and send afloat, And paddle your own canoe. * * * * * Chicago Tribune’s Column (From the Charles City, Iowa, Press) Manager Waterhouse, the movie man, who insists on giving his lady patrons the best, is improving the theater by renovating and decorating the ladies’ parlor and lobby and ladies can—at least, feel that everything is fresh and orderly. _Classified Ads_ This Soots Me (From the Spokane Spokesman-Review) Young man, industrious, wants to meet lady with enough cash to have her chimney swept. Dan Vall. * * * * * Whatcha Got? (From Richmond, Va., Times Despatch) Have four daughters; would like to put them in a business of their own. What have you to offer? P.O. Box 1092, City. * * * * * And Everything (From The Duluth Herald) I got 10 aker of fine green timber dat I like for to sell on Miller Trunk Highway near Duluth. It bane yust vat yu want for a gude place to build cabin and have high old time, hunt yack rabbit & everything. I like for to go back to Norway & will sell very sheep. Write Lars Boguson, 1302 E. 8th St. * * * * * Ain’t We Got Fun? (From The Aberdeen World) WANTED—Girl or lady to stay with me nights; room rent free. A-26, care of World. * * * * * The Wild and Woolly West (From Casper, Wyo., Herald) TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN—In justice to my husband to quiet a few rumors to the effect that he had beaten me up, during our recent family trouble, is absolutely untrue. Signed, Mrs. Bessie Peters. * * * * * _Jonah came from the whale with an awful cough._ * * * * * The Busted Air Hose An Italian was selling plaster of paris busts of great personages on the streets in New York. His cry was “Garibaldi, the greata man ina Italy, George Wash tha greata man ina United States. Tena centa each.” An American, thinking to have some fun with him, took one of his busts of Garibaldi, dropped it on the pavement and said, “To hell with your Garibaldi.” The wop, not to be outdone, took one of his statues of Washington, threw it on the sidewalk, and said “To hell with your Georga Wash.” * * * * * That Ought to Cool It Jerry recently took Gwendoline for a ride in his new car and returned rather late. Approaching a steep hill he stopped the car, got out and raised the hood. “What’s the matter now?” asked Gwen. “I must cool the engine before I try to make that hill,” replied Jerry. “Oh, goodness alive,” said Gwen, “It is getting so awfully late. Why don’t you strip the gears?” * * * * * Tweet, Tweet “I never spoke a cross word to my wife but once.” “Quite remarkable, that.” “Not so very. See that scar?”