The new guard was not familiar with a certain railway run in Wales. Came a station which rejoiced in the name of Llanfairfeshanpwllgogerych. For a few minutes he stood looking at the sign board in mute helplessness. Then, pointing to the board and waving his other arm toward the carriages, he called, “If there’s anybody there for here, this is it.”—Western Christian Advocate. * * * * * Mr. Harper’s Special A Darky and his brown sweetheart, followed by three pickaninnies, applied to the clerk of a Southern court house for a license to wed. The clerk eyed the assemblage doubtfully. “Whose children are these?” he asked. “Dey our’n,” was the ready response from the man. The clerk was scandalized, being new at his post. “You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, waiting to get married till you have a family half grown—” “Jedge, you’ll have to excuse dat,” interrupted the “bride,” sweetly. “De roads out our way is so bad!” * * * * * It’s a New One On Us Elizabeth—Say, daddie, what is that thing under your nose? Daddie—Why! That’s my mustache. Why do you ask? Elizabeth—I just wondered what you called it. Mamma’s got one of them things under her arm. * * * * * Dot’s Right Cohen—Ikey, what for you go up dem shtairs two at a time? Ikey—To safe my shoes, fader. Cohen—Dot’s right, my son; but look out you don’t shplit your pandts. * * * * * Not First Class The late Peter Cooper Hewitt, millionaire inventor of New York, had a very intimate knowledge of high society in the world’s capitals. Mr. Cooper Hewitt, discussing the English professional beauties of the ’80’s, said one day: “A famous, or rather a notorious professional beauty, visited Constantinople. Her charms worked havoc among the Turkish nobility. The sultan himself was smitten. “At a dinner party on her return, King Edward, then the Prince of Wales, questioned her about her Turkish conquests. “‘You made a great hit with the sultan, I believe?’ he said. “‘The sultan,’ she answered with enthusiasm, ‘is a dear. He conferred this decoration on me.’ “And she displayed a jeweled emblem which glistened on her white bosom royally. “‘It’s the order of virtue,’ she explained, and then, lowering her eyes, she added—‘of the second class.’” * * * * * Did you ever sit in the parlor with your best girl and hold each other’s hands ’til they got all “perspiry” and then let go and rub off and get a fresh hold again? * * * * * _When I die I want to be cremated so I can carry my remains around in my vest pocket._ _Whiz Bang Editorials_ _“The Bull is Mightier Than the Bullet.”_