The Difference Marshal Petain, before he married, was once delivering some pretty frank invective against marriage in the presence of some friends. He ended by saying nearly all married couples led a cat-and-dog life. “But, look here,” said one friend, “that’s an absurdly sweeping statement. Besides, cats and dogs don’t always quarrel. Look at those two on your hearth at this moment. They get on well together.” Petain smiled. “Tie them together and watch,” he said. * * * * * Judge—Are you guilty? Prisoner—I haven’t heard the evidence yet. _A Dish of Pot Pourri_ Put on your muzzle, father, here comes the dog catcher. * * * * * Salesmanship A man was hit by an automobile in front of the Whiz Bang News Stand at Sixth Street and Hennepin Avenue, Minneapolis, the other day. He arose rather dazed and ventured “Where am I?” “Here you are, sir,” replied the book seller, “a map of Minneapolis for ten cents.” * * * * * _Doctors ought to get wise to themselves and hire some cabaret singers to entertain their prescription hounds in the waiting rooms._ * * * * * Mighty Obliging _Kiss me cute, kiss me cunning; kiss me quick, my daddy’s coming._ * * * * * Brother, ah’s tough; ah’s so tough mah shadow won’t walk down the street with me, an’ when ah gargles mah throat ah has to use carbolic acid an’ boilin’ water to even feel it. * * * * * _You must sleep well, you lie so easy._ * * * * * Beg Your Pardon Our hired man Pete informs us that it wasn’t a six-foot tank of solid concrete that he dove into, as announced in our last issue, but that it was a six-foot tank filled with tapioca pudding instead. * * * * * I’ve heard of a lot of absent-minded guys, but the one who scratched his hot cake and poured the syrup down his neck beats ’em all—What say? * * * * * Whiz Bang’s Monthly Motto _Never look a blind pig in the eye._ * * * * * Peroxide Blues He—You were a red head last night. She—Now I’m a black head. He—I’ll have to squeeze you. * * * * * We know a certain “reformer” in Santa Ana who could make a fortune if he would sell his pictures for puzzles. * * * * * A Little Cotton Tale “Really, I seldom cross my feet in a street car.” “I hardly ever wear silk ones either.” * * * * * Heard in a Beanery Waiter—“One stew for a bum! He has his own bread!” * * * * * Our Monthly Special Ashes to ashes, sand to sand; please show me a butcher that won’t weigh his hand. * * * * *