_I know a man who refuses to shave until he gets a drink of good liquor. He is now tripping on his beard._ * * * * * Were you ever at sea? No, madam, I came over from Ireland in a wagon. How could you cross the ocean in a wagon? Why, my good woman, I rowed over. * * * * * They All Do That I am wild, wild with glee; because I kissed my sweetheart, and she slapped me—That convinced me that she loved me. * * * * * Question _Woman thinks that man is rude_ _If he stares at skirt to knee,_ _But, lady, do you wear it short_ _Just for other girls to see?_ * * * * * My girl’s name is Niagara. She falls for anybody. * * * * * The Villain _They shot him with limburger cheese and then killed him for smelling bad._ * * * * * He—My father has a rabbit tattooed on his arm. She—That’s nothing. My father has hares all over his chest. * * * * * Memories of the Depot Man Down on a depot platform, Bathed in the bleak wintry breeze, Shy long ago of its contents, With nothing inside it to freeze; Shy long ago of its contents, Drained of its last amber dreg, Bungless and beerless and friendless, Stands an empty eight gallon keg. * * * * * She—You married me for love and got it. Old Foggie—You married me for money and got it. She—I’ll tell the world I earned it. * * * * * Truck Driver to Barber Don’t put any of that powder on my face, see! What ya tink I am, a sissie? * * * * * A fashion magazine reminds us that one way to get away from the city Bustle is to move to the Outskirts. * * * * * A Home Run While swimming someone stole his clothes, so he painted a number on his B. V. D.’s and ran home like a track man. * * * * * Line Up For Mess, Boys Cora, Cora, I adore you, And for home I hate to start, But the beans are ready, Cora, And the best of friends must part. _Confessions of a Bride_ _A Daily Newspaper Raving_ “Call up a steeple-jack today and get him to paint the flag pole on the garage,” said Warren as he finished his sixth helping of ham and eggs, and folded the morning paper preparatory to leaving for the office. “Why, Warren,” Helen exclaimed, “I can do the job as well as a steeple-jack, and the money saved can be used to buy a new worm for our still; the old one is almost worn out.”