The defending forces took possession of a small hill overlooking a river and destroyed the only bridge by the simple method of tacking up a notice on it stating that they had done so. As a result it was quite a surprise to them to see the attacking forces swarming across the bridge, making extraordinary motions in front of them with their hands. “Hold on there, men!” shouted the Colonel’s aide from the observer’s post, “you can’t cross that bridge. It has been blown up.” “Tuhel with that!” retorted the Major of the other side, “we’re not crossing it, can’t you see we are swimming the dang river?” * * * * * Let’s Now Sing I love a lassie, She’s naughty, but, She’s classy. * * * * * The Morning Mail When we were in the army we used to read “The Daily Undershirt.” * * * * * A woman’s beauty is always a liability, although at times considered a big asset. _Classified Ads_ We’ll Take the Solar System (From the L. A. Times) Personal—Lady 26, quiet, traveled, experienced in business or will assume domestic work for opportunity in music and art. Prefer aged person financially able who would appreciate ray of sunshine. Address MP. * * * * * One “Bier” Makes a Jolly Party (Cuba City, Wis., News-Herald) An auto load of Benton girls, consisting of the Hunter sisters, Miss Calvert, Miss Ayer, and another one, attended the funeral Tuesday, and put in the rest of the time fishing, etc. They had a jolly fine time. * * * * * Gus is a Good Ex-Farmer (From the Peoria Journal) Would like acquaintance of good business man or a young farmer, like one with car, for pastime and results. Address C. A., care Star. * * * * * It’s Quite Cool Now at Breezy Point (Adv. of Chicago Beach Hotel) Patrons not wearing bathing suits will find the cafe very comfortable. * * * * * Has Your Wife Gone to the Country? (From the Denver Post) Caring neither for life, limb or anything, I will consider any proposition you may have, regardless of what it may be; must earn money; do anything; go anywhere; fear nothing; answers confidential. I need money. Will go the limit to get it. * * * * * One at a Time Years ago when W. A. McConnell was manager of the Brooklyn theater he had a pet parrot which was kept in the box office. During a “big run” the ticket seller was wont to say, “Get in line, please; one at a time, one at a time, gentlemen.” The bird escaped one afternoon, and McConnell commissioned some boys to find it, which they did on an old tree in a nearby park, where several crows were making its feathers fly. McConnell asked if the bird said anything and the leader of the boys replied: “Yes, he said, ‘Get in line, please; one at a time, one at a time, gentlemen.’”