There is no more melancholy sight, in China’s teeming nightmare cities, than a drug-befuddled victim staggering out in the early dawn from some hasheesh house and tumbling down in the street where he dreams he is in the Celestial City with his ancestors. When he is rudely awakened by a hungry rat gnawing his hand or foot, the golden vision vanishes. In the cold light of the morning, racked with nameless pains, he crawls off to work at some mean job, hoping to make enough for another night’s opium dream in which to forget the hell of this tormenting world. * * * * * Be An “I Can” Giant As on through Life’s journey we go, day by day, There are two whom we meet, at each turn of the way, To help or to hinder—to bless or to ban, And the names of these two are “I Can’t” and “I Can!” “I Can’t” is a dwarf, a poor, pale, puny imp, His eyes are half blind and his walk is a limp, He stumbles and falls, or lies writhing in fits, And for those who would help him plants snares and digs pits. “I Can” is a giant, unbending he stands, There is strength in his arms, and skill in his hands, He asks for no favors, he wants but a share Where labor is honest and wages are fair. * * * * * “Now, let’s stick together, boys,” said the first of three flies as they lit on the piece of tanglefoot. * * * * * An Immediate Saving Ikey kicked in the bathroom door and discovered Rebecca dead in the bath tub. For a moment he gazed horror stricken, then rushed to the head of the stairs and shouted to the maid, “Mary, Mary!” “Yes, sir,” answered the shixa. “Only von egg for breakfast dis morning, Mary.” * * * * * Ad In Theatrical Paper Engagement wanted. Small part, such as dead body or outside shouts. * * * * * Fancy Poetry Father got his hand blown off. That was a terrible sin. It could have been worse if it was the hand that he had his wages in. * * * * * “Paris is falling,” delicately hinted the maiden, as her escort’s garter snapped and fell over his shoe-top. * * * * * “Trash!” exclaimed the president of the Ash Men’s Union, as the secretary finished reading the reports. * * * * * Bang! Bang! Lady went into a store and asked for a camisole. “What bust?” asked the salesman. “I didn’t hear anything,” she replied. * * * * * _Tell the truth and shame the family._ * * * * * They Shot Spitballs A good story is told on our old friend Colonel Luce of the Minnesota National Guard. Two battalions of the Colonel’s regiment were staging a sham battle at their summer encampment.