Clumsy, he thought. Not with his fingers, (He had fixed many of these
clocks when his father had acquired them in various states of
disrepair.), but with his mind. His emotions were not fine and drawn,
but rather great shafts of anger or fear fell about him without focus or
apparent source. Disgust, or even love, when he had felt it was vague,
liable to metamorphasize from one to the other. (School was great; his
history teacher was very good.... School was noisy; the kids were pushy
and didn't care about anything. His blue parakeet was delicate and
beautiful; he had taught it to whistle ... there were always crumbs on
the bottom of the cage; changing the paper was a nuisance.)
Then there had been five years of prison. And the first sharp feeling
pierced his mind, as sharp as the uncoiled hair-spring of a clock, as
sharp as jewels in a poison ring. It was a wish, a pain, an agony for
freedom. The plans for escape had been intricate, yet sharp as the
cracks in blue ceramic glaze. The hunger for escape was a hand against
his stomach, and as the three of them had, at last, waited in the rain
by the steps, it had tightened unbearably. Then ...
Then with all the sharpness, what had made him lose the others? Why had
he wandered in the wrong direction? Clumsy! And he wanted to be free of
that! And wonder if that was what he had wanted to be free of all along
while he had sputtered at the prison guards, choked on the food, and
could not communicate his outrage. Then, at the horizon, was the purple
glow of something paler than sunrise, deadlier than the sea, a
flickering, luminous purple gauze behind the hills. Near him were the
skeletons of broken, century-ancient trees, leafless, nearly petrified.
The crumbly dirt looked as if it had been scattered over the land in
handfuls, loosely, bearing neither shrubs or footprints. By one boulder
a trickle of black water ran beneath a fallen log, catching dim light in
the ripples on either side. He looked up.
On the horizon, against the lines of light, as though cut--no,
torn--from carbon paper was the silhouette of a city. Tower behind tower
rose against the pearly haze. A net of roadways wound among the spires.
Then he made out one minuscule thread of metal that ran from the city,
in his general direction but veering to the right. It passed him half a
mile away and at last disappeared into the edge of the jungle that he
could see, now, behind him. _Telphar!_ The word came to his mind as
though on a sign attached with springs to his consciousness. The
radiation! That was the second thing he thought of. Once more the name
of the city shivered in his brain: _Telphar!_ The certain, very certain
death he had wandered into caught the center of his gut like a fist. It
was almost as if the name were sounding out loud in his skull. Then he
stopped. Because he realized he had heard something. A ... a voice! Very
definitely he heard it--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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