“_Now, you mark my words. Inside of three months we’ll have to defend the Monroe Doctrine against England and Germany._”] [Illustration: MR. GLADD--“_Oh, dear me, you don’t think it’s so serious as all that, do you?_” “_Listen. I’ll tell you just what will happen. England and Germany will fight Venezuela for a week or two, then demand eight hundred million dollars indemnity and refuse to leave till they get it. Uncle Sam’ll say, ‘clear out,’ and then look out for something doing in war circles._”] [Illustration: MR. GLADD--“_Oh, I’m sure they’ll patch it up all right._” “_Just you wait. We’ll have a war that will be the most dreadful one that ever happened._”] A CARIBBEAN SCHÜTZENFEST OR, THE SHIP THAT WAS MUCH THE WORSE FOR WAR [Illustration: “_Ach, Himmel, this monotony is deadly. Nichts komme raus; or, in other words, there’s nothing doing in war circles._”] [Illustration: “_While we’re waiting, let’s heave a few twelve-pounders over in that Venezuelan fort. Let’s wake ’em up a little._”] [Illustration: “_By the way, gunner, see if you can shoot the mizzen-mast off of that mule over yonder._”] [Illustration: _But at that moment the Venezuelans woke up, and the Schützenfest was all over._] SHERLOCK HOLMES ANALYZES A PERFECT STRANGER [Illustration: SHERLOCK HOLMES--“_Ah, a stranger whom I’ve never seen before._”] [Illustration: “_How do you do, sir. I observe that you are in the coal trust; also that you have just had a narrow escape; that you have no children; that you were in a great hurry this morning; that you have been writing, and that you shaved with your left hand this morning. Are you going away on the afternoon or the evening train?_”] [Illustration: “_Why, this is simply marvelous, Mr. Holmes. Everything you’ve said is true. How in the world did you find out all these things about a man you’ve never heard of before?_”] [Illustration: “_By a very simple process of deduction. I can tell by your hands that you are in a trust, and I know it was the coal trust by the hungry way you looked at my purse there on the table, and by the fact that you glanced apprehensively around you as if expecting some one to hit you with a club. I knew that you had just had a narrow escape, by the fact that three bricks grazed you, and the brick dust is still on your coat. You have no children, for if you had you would have some consideration for poor people who have children. I knew that you expected to take a journey, because I understand the grand jury is in session. I also knew that you had shaved with your left hand because your face is cut, and there is ink on your right forefinger, showing that you were writing out an order to whoop the price of coal while shaving with your left. You were in a hurry, because you had time to have only one shoe polished. It’s all very simple._”] THE SYMPATHETIC COAL DEALER AND THE MAN WHO HAD TO HAVE A TON OF COAL