became as disagreeable a young imp as you’d ask to see. My only thought
was to get all I could out of her when she was in a good-humor, and to
be sullen and stubborn when she was in a tantrum. One day a boy in the
street threw some mud at me, and I ran in crying and complained to
her. She told me I was a little coward. I haven’t forgiven her for that
yet--perhaps because it was one of the few true things she ever said to
me. I was in a state of perpetual aggravation; and I often wonder that
I wasn’t soured for life at that time. At last I got to be such a little
fiend that when she hit me I used to guard off her blows, and look so
wicked that I think she got afraid of me. Then she put me to school,
telling me that I had no heart, and telling the master that I was an
ungovernable young brute. So I, like a little fool, cried at leaving
her; and she, like a big one, cried back again over me--just after
telling the master what a bad one I was, mind you--and off she went,
leaving her darling boy and blessed child howling at his good luck in
getting rid of her.
“I was a nice boy to let loose in a school. I could speak as well as an
actor, as far as pronunciation goes; but I could hardly read words of
one syllabile; and as to writing, I couldn’t make pothooks and hangers
respectably. To this day, I can no more spell than old Ned Skene can.
What was a worse sort of ignorance was that I had no idea of fair play.
I thought that all servants would be afraid of me, and that all grown-up
people would tyrannize over me. I was afraid of everybody; afraid
that my cowardice would be found out; and as angry and cruel in my
ill-tempers as cowards always are. Now you’ll hardly believe this; but
what saved me from going to the bad altogether was my finding out that
I was a good one to fight. The bigger boys were given to fighting,
and used to have mills every Saturday afternoon, with seconds,
bottle-holders, and everything complete, except the ropes and stakes. We
little chaps used to imitate them among ourselves as best we could. At
first, when they made me fight, I shut my eyes and cried; but for all
that I managed to catch the other fellow tight round the waist and throw
him. After that it became a regular joke to make me fight, for I always
cried. But the end of it was that I learned to keep my eyes open and hit
straight. I had no trouble about fighting then. Somehow, I could tell by
instinct when the other fellow was going to hit me, and I always hit him
first. It’s the same with me now in the ring; I know what a man is going
to do before he rightly knows himself. The power that this gave
me, civilized me. It made me cock of the school; and I had to act
accordingly. I had enough good-nature left to keep me from being a
bully; and, as cock, I couldn’t be mean or childish. There would be
nothing like fighting for licking boys into shape if every one could be
cock; but every one can’t; so I suppose it does more harm than good.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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